Entering Motherhood

Understandably, I entered motherhood with the full conviction that breast is best. It is so healthy; research and history stand behind it. Some of the sweetest moments have come from those late nights when only a mother and her child can connect, locking eyes and sharing in something that is both unique to the individual pair and yet has been shared by mother and child for centuries. I entered motherhood with the expectation that I would nurse well past the first birthday. I would give my child the best nutrients, strengthen their immune system so that they would never deal with sickness and rear the smartest, healthiest, nicest children…and then I became a mom.

It Takes Two

My breastfeeding journey is not my own. It takes two to tango. Although I entered motherhood with certain expectations, I didn’t consider bringing along a real human being with me. I was nursing an ideal in my mind, not a real baby.  Real babies have to learn to nurse. Real babies sometimes go to the NICU. Real babies have nursing strikes. Real babies have tongue-ties, and ear infections, and jaundice, and they teeth. Sometimes babies wean themselves. Sometimes moms have to take anti-depression medicine so that they can care for themselves and their baby and need to stop nursing. Sometimes moms get pregnant and the hormone change makes their nursing infant turn up their nose to breast milk. It is not a solo trek. 

Different Breastfeeding Journeys with Different Children

I went on four different journeys. One with my social, born-for-the-stage Trace. He nursed for 2.5 years. It started off rocky, but we climbed the mountains of mastitis and food allergies and survived. He nursed through my next pregnancy and tandem nursed with his brother. 

I took the second trip with Hastings, our more reserved, but crazy-when-you-get-to-know-him son. Our 9 lbs 12 oz (birth weight) baby was a pro from the start. We had some ups and downs with food allergies. I had to cut out dairy, eggs, and gluten to nurse him without upsetting his stomach. I remember one day he just stopped nursing. Turns out that my six month old baby didn’t like the hormone change I was experiencing as my body began to grow his little sister.

He stopped cold turkey. I grieved the loss of our abrupt journey’s end like Graham from the Holiday. I wept. And I wept and I wept. I googled the probability of children being healthy, smart and active if they weren’t breastfed until 18 months. I was going a little crazy with something that was not in my hands. I needed to grieve that relationship and that expectation but I needed to move on. This wasn’t completely about me like I had thought. My six month old son made a choice. I had to accept that. 

Our beautiful daughter was born. She and I had a sweet nursing relationship until I looked up one day and realized that I was not ok. I was depressed. That is another post for another time. I had to wrestle with continuing to breastfeed or try letting my hormones regulate. I ultimately cut that relationship short at 11 months because I needed mental stability. I am currently nursing our six month old. My goal was six months and here we are. I have no clue when Margaret and I will end our excursion, but I am thankful for the time we have. 

Through four very different children, I have realized that just like every friendship is different, so will my nursing relationships be. It is not all about me, whether I like it or not. Mothers and babies will all have different needs at different times. No two babies are alike and no two post-partum experiences are alike. Know yourself and your needs, as well as your babies. Set goals, try nursing, but remember – it takes two to tango.

Nine Benefits of Having a Doula shares how having a doula can help assists new moms with breastfeeding. For other resources on breastfeeding please check out Office of Women’s Health.

I find myself feeling my anxiety rising when I see rain in the forecast. Having four young kids, I have found that preparation is key. So, before the rain comes, gather your thoughts and supplies and let’s be prepared for isolation INSIDE our house.

#1. Cosmic Yoga

Let your kids MOVE without the stress of watching them run up and down and all over your furniture. They can become part of a story with the narrator and yogi instructor. Spiderman, Harry Potter, Frozen and Star Wars are all in our queue. No supplies needed.

#2. Plant Seedling

If you have seeds at home or happen to be close to a local garden center (carefully, wisely) pick up a pack of easy plants. We have planted zinnias, lettuce, morning glories, mint, propagated basil and rosemary.

Supplies needed: cardboard egg crate, seeds, soil.

Follow directions for planting, water, set up by a window and check your seedlings every day! As the pretty weather returns, transplant.

#3. Paint Something Bright!

If dreary weather brings dreary feelings, brighten your day. This activity may take some patience with your kiddos and with yourself, but it will be well worth it. Find some paper or a canvas and paint something that makes you happy! We are going to be painting butterflies and flowers this week.

#4. Write a Letter

Who doesn’t love getting mail? Let’s be the ones to start a trend! If we are isolated in our houses, let’s send joy to the ones we are missing. Have your children draw a picture and write or trace as many letters as they can. Little ones can use stickers. This doesn’t need to be too time consuming. Think of your special people and brighten their day!

#5. Coffee Date with…your Kids!

Find a simple snack and make coffee! Hopefully none of us will be running out anytime soon. Make sure this one is early in the morning or with decaf.   This is always a treat at our house! Clear your schedule and enjoy getting to know your kids over a cup of joe.

As we all lean into these uncharted weeks ahead of us, don’t forget that we are all in this together. If you need encouragement, reach out. If you need ideas, come back to Magnolia Moms, google, or start a project! Our family will be marking off all of these activities over the next 24 hours and I hope you join us in one or two. Let us know if you try any of these inside activities!

Feature photo credit to Ashley Bosner. Other photos by Cindy McMullin.