My child has Autism. I want to share what it’s like understanding children with autism.

The roots are visible.

He reminds me of a Cypress Tree, because I get to see his roots most of the time. He is very strong like a Cypress. Sometimes he will have so much joy that it will flow upwards like the roots of a Cypress. He will feel the need to jump. He can jump so high. We get to see that emotion and experience it with him. Others who are not comfortable with this type of growth might stare. That’s okay, it’s truly no big deal. Don’t hold back, and please ask questions.

However, when you stare at my child’s roots, remember to smile. Please celebrate life with him.

Some branches grow toward the sun.

Understand that many branches will grow up toward the sunlight. However, some may grow sideways in search of sunlight. We all grow and learn differently in this world. If you see my child trying to get out of sunlight, then maybe the sun is too bright. Your branches might provide shade until he is ready for the sun. He just needs time to flourish. When he is ready, please be gentle with him, and share what you have found. They have roots that are growing at the same pace as those branches. So be patient; and let the roots get strong, as the branches search for the sun.

Leaves need shade please.

Our trees need strong roots and branches to produce beautiful leaves. My child’s leaves are sometimes slow to bloom; because he prefers the shade to the sunlight. I am okay with this growth. My child will be very strong because we are allowing his roots to grow at his own pace. I do not want to overwater his roots, or move him into the sunlight before he is ready. I am afraid if I did this, he would not have any leaves for the year. He might even stop growing and require more help. So growing slow is a good thing. He will produce beautiful leaves when he is ready.

Spring brings new growth.

Spring time is always a great time of year. The weather is beautiful and people seem to be more joyous and kind this time of year. My desire is for people to be kind and gentle all year long. Especially to the children with autism that are moving at their own pace. We do not want to rush these children or make them conform.

We should embrace their roots and celebrate life with them as they too grow beautiful leaves.

This perspective has helped me gain a wonderful insight into the mind of my child with high functioning autism. I pray it helps others understand why he might experience life the way he does. We can learn how to approach life just by observing nature. It creates a better understanding on how we can all grow together in an environment where everyone is unique. Let’s be kind all year long!

To learn more about understanding children with autism please visit autismspeaks.org. To read more about motherhood, be sure to see the other articles on our site that may interest you.

You would have turned 38, but another year will pass without you here to celebrate your birthday. We are thankful for the years we did have with you. However, it is sad to see so many years wasted because you are not here.

I honestly believe you would have been a great engineer or owned your own landscaping business designing amazing outdoor spaces. You had a natural gift for that type of stuff. I could have used your help over the years, but I did not get your help. Instead, I had to rely on Pinterest and years of HGTV shows. Shucks!

I see my children in you.

Did you know one of your nephews ask more questions than you ever did? He never stops asking me questions about life and how things work. He has such a mechanical mind, similar to you. He even has a passion for fishing, just like you did. You two would have been a pair to see together. Too bad, you are not alive. Instead, I share my memories of you with him. It helps make things better, but he reminds me so much of you. It is crazy!

I am convinced my husband, and you would have ganged up on me. You would have liked my husband because you have much in common. He is a computer nerd just like you were. His brain thinks as you did. Maybe I like him so much because he reminds me of you. Either way, we would have enjoyed having you around for family dinners. Too bad, you are not here for that.

If you were alive, I’d imagine you being married to a brilliant gal, someone that saw life from different angles. She would have complimented your strengths and weaknesses. I could have had more nieces and nephews to spoil. We could have done family vacations together. I have been blessed with so many nieces and nephews, but I always wonder what your children would have looked like. Hmm.

I wish you were here, so the family would not miss you so much.

We miss you daily.

We miss the person you were and the person you should have been. You were amazing in our eyes. A part of us died the day you took your life. Your family has all worked it out in their own way. We have adapted and overcome the grief it has caused us. We forgive you and ultimately have to forgive ourselves daily.

I can appreciate “the moment” because of all the moments we did not get with you. I can take that to my grave. I can live my life with kindness, courage, and empathy like nobody else around. Thank you so much for that gift. Your suicide broke your family, but we are so much stronger because of it.

I love you, dearly, and think of you daily. Especially today, because it is World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s a day to help spread awareness on the topic of suicide. I want others to know they are not alone in their thoughts. I hope someone can find support from family, friends, or medical professionals. They will be missed, just like we miss you.

Even though you are not here, I know you are around watching over us. I can feel your presence sometimes. I can not see you, but my sixth sense feels you. It could be all made up, but that is okay. It really is all I have of you, along with our memories. I cherish those deeply and often smile because of them.

Smiling below, thinking of you today and every day. Love, your sister.

You can read more stories about mental health under the wellness section.

It is freaking awesome!!!

When this pandemic hit I was nervous because I did not know what to expect. There were so many uncertainties and so many things to cause us concern.

Shopping over Facetime

My boys needed clothes and everything was shutting down. There is always Amazon; but you know how some of those sizes can be a bit wonky. If I am being honest; I prefer consignment stores, because my boys grow out of clothes fast. I called a local consignment store and was able to shop via face time. What? Seriously! I got all my children’s clothes virtually.

I had an excellent shopping experience talking to a real live person. The purchased clothes were even brought to my van-curbside. Nothing but love for Leap Frog Consignment. They have spoiled me with the new norms we are now living.

I’ll take Curbside, Please!

Grocery shopping pickup has always been my choice for the last two years. Since this pandemic, grocery pickup has improved and there are even more time slots than before. Only gets better from here, right?

Check this out, yesterday I did curb side pick up at Home Depot in my mini van with my three boys. I was trying to pick up three screen doors that were 23×80 inches. I waited patiently for curb side pick up, to find out they fit perfectly between the captain seats of my awesome swagger wagon.

Every place I shop at now offers curb side pickup! I could reaThis is a life changer for me. I will never ever have to go inside, ever again. This is great for moms of little ones. I hate taking my kids into stores. They are not too bad, I just get anxious and freak out over everything.

Seeing the Dentist during a Pandemic

My three year old had a dental appointment scheduled. I was so scared. I was not able to go with him because I had my other two boys with me. They came to the car and asked a million COVID19 questions. They reassured me and took my little one away. I sat there in my vehicle while the other two played on their tablets. I did not know what to do. It was unsurprisingly pleasant. The dental hygienist sent me a picture to let me know my baby was doing great. So sweet.

COVID 19 has had many people on edge. I feel that most of us are over it and ready to start getting back to what we call normal, if possible. I always try to look at the positives in things and not make decisions out of fear.

Life is too short to live in fear and dwell on the negatives. I am writing this to hopefully spread some hope and good vibes. So cheers to all the moms making the best of the 2020 global pandemic.

What new norms are you enjoying? You can learn more about Jessie at Moments Bayou.

The truth is, stepmoms are expected to be moms everyday of the year; except when you are a stepmom on Mother’s Day.

I pray I can help a stepmom on Mother’s Day struggling with feelings of inadequacy and find peace and comfort. Most of all, I hope you remember this day is about all ladies that have served as someone’s mom. You are serving as a mother to your child. 

A little bit about my story

When I married my husband I became a mom overnight. I felt unprepared for the task that I was signing up for. It was overwhelming for that twenty seven year old. However, it turned out that I was ready for the task of being a stepmom. There was an understanding that my decisions had the ability to screw up a child’s life. I was a stepchild several times myself and could recall all the feelings I experienced then. 

As stepmoms there is a huge role of responsibility and I understood that. Sure I had to work out some selfishness; but that is a continual walk I face daily; as a wife, mom, friend, and lady. I have always been honest and open about my struggles as a stepmom.

Fast forward ten years into being a stepmom and here are four important lessons I have learned. 

1. You do not stop being a stepmom on Mother’s Day.

On this day we say “Happy Mothers Day”. Your stepchild does have a biological mom; and she deserves to be loved on this day. Most likely, they will be spending Mother’s Day with their biological mom. That is how it should be. Children should spend Mother’s Day with their moms. I understand that situation may not be the best for your stepchild, but that is something you have to give to God. It will all work out.

This day might mean the world to your stepchild. They love their mom. It is important to ask them “how their day was with their mom”. Don’t forget to check up on your sweet stepchild and make sure they are having an awesome day. As a stepmom, that is still your job. Even if your stepchild is not sweet to you, please check up on them. It’s important, because your role is an unconditional role. 

2. It will be okay if you do not hear the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day”.

This is so important to remember. It is very hard to hear someone say this, I know. If you love your stepchild like your own, this can be very challenging. However, it is so important to remember not to force this day. Do not make this day awkward for anyone, specifically your spouse. Do not punish your spouse or stepchild if they are not ready to acknowledge you this Mother’s Day. It does not matter how many meals you have cooked. Or how many homework assignments you have helped with. Let Mother’s Day unfold naturally. It will mean so much more to you. I can recall the first day I heard Happy Mother’s Day from my stepchild. It was worth the wait! I promise!

3. Do not listen to what others say about you on this day.

This is the most important thing you can remember. Just because you are not acknowledged on this day, does not mean you are not special. As a stepmom, please do not take to heart the things you will hear. You do have a voice in your stepchild’s life. You can be as much as a mom as you desire to be. It is okay to love your stepchild as your own biological child. I believe you do!

Caring and loving your children is your place. You have every right to be concerned or involved. Never back down from loving your children. Be genuine and never stop caring. Ignore the painful words you might hear along the way. You are stronger than that pain. You are doing an exceptional job and it is okay to feel some sadness on this day.

4. Find a way to celebrate yourself on Mother’s Day.

This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. If you do not love yourself how can you expect your stepchild to fall in love with you. Find a way to make this day special for you. Reward yourself with something you enjoy or treasure. Spend the day with your spouse. Do something that brings you joy. Make this day special, despite all the sadness you might feel.

See you are special! You have worked hard as a stepmom and changed so much. This role as stepmom has caused you to give up so much. That role is not easy; and, it comes with much baggage. It is a fine balance between not being selfish and giving all you have. Trust me, I understand what you are faced with. So please, take a bubble bath, put your headphones on, and play your favorite music.

There are also some great self-care ideas in the article Five Things to Aid in Quarantine Sanity.

Stepmom, if you do not feel seen on this special day. If you have not heard Happy Mother’s Day from anyone today. Then please take these words to heart. Sweet mom, listen to what I have to say. Happy Mother’s Day Love! You are doing an exceptional job. You are special today and everyday. XOXOXO

Yours truly, from another Stepmom 

If  you would like to connect with another stepmom, then please feel free to contact Jessie Trichell @MomentsBayou. You can also follow Moments Bayou on Facebook.

Listed below are different ways a mom would benefit from a doula.

1. A mom that has an awesome support team would benefit from having a doula. 

She might not see any benefit from a doula because of her awesome husband, mother, and doctor. However, when you add a doula to the support team everyone learns how to be the moms personal doula. The mom becomes a queen for the day. She will be happy with whatever comes her way because she had a royal birth experience.

2. Pregnant moms and their partners benefit from having a doula. 

A doula will help the partner shine throughout her birth. A doula will show the partner helpful techniques to be used throughout labor. This mom would benefit because oxytocin hormones would  help her relax. When the mom becomes relaxed her water will eventually break. She would be that much closer to having her baby.

3. A mom that plans to have an unmedicated birth story would benefit from having a doula. 

A good doula would help her find her zone before labor begins. A great doula will show her how to manage her pain peacefully and quietly. When she wants to give up her doula would remind her of her birth wishes. If she decides she wants to deviate last minute a good doula will say okay and be there for her the whole time. Afterwards, she would be content with her birthing decisions.

4. A mom that has experienced a traumatic event would benefit from having a doula.

She would have someone to stand up for her without having to share her story over and over. Her doula would provide compassion and empathy. Her birth experience would bring healing. 

5. A mom that has had miscarriages, infertility, or health conditions would benefit from having a doula. 

She would have someone there for her all the time. A person too reassure her when she had fear or experienced anxiety about loosing her baby. She would be free to call or text her doula as often as she would for the duration of her pregnancy. She would have a listening ear and be supported. 

6. A mom that plans to breastfeed after having her baby would benefit from having a doula. 

She would have support and have access to resources in her community. Her doula would help her set up a breastfeeding station and work with her on making her and her baby comfortable. She would be prepared for the arrival of the new baby. If she changed her mind about breastfeeding, she would have support with the decision to formula feed. Either way she would be supported.

7. A mom that deals with severe depression would benefit from having a doula. 

A doula would be an extra hand to hold during those hours of depression. A doula would help the mom through her postpartum recovery. She could reassure her that everything she was experiencing was normal. Her doula would connect her with great counselors if she was to need extra professional support. 

8. A mom that has specific birth wishes would benefit from having a doula. 

Her doula would help her write down her wishes and present them in a way that was professional. She would know when to ask her care provider questions. She would feel empowered and heard. Her plan would be known ahead of time by the doctor and nurses because she used effective communication.

9. A pregnant mom that wants to have a successful VBAC would benefit from having a doula. 

She would know how to prepare her body for her baby’s birthday. She would experience a faster birth because she would know to change positions often to encourage the baby to become engaged. If she ends up having another cesarean she would experience satisfaction. She would know she did everything she could to the best of her ability. 

There are so many benefits to having a doula working along side you as a partner! 

The one benefit all these moms will have in common is they would have gained a lifelong friend. It doesn’t matter what life experiences the mom brings to the table. Her doula will not waver the support. The mom will have someone alongside her even after the arrival of the baby. She will have a trained professional making sure her birth story is one she will be pleased with. It is the responsibility of the doula to discover how a mom would benefit from her support.  

Be sure to check out the Facebook group for new moms called Improving Maternity Outcomes – Birth Without Fear.