It seems like a lifetime ago, but throughout high school and college, I was a lifeguard; teaching swim lessons and eventually managed a pool. I loved my job. I did not know back then that those years spent focusing on swim safety would later cause me to be a total pool kill-joy for my kids and others. No, seriously, I still love the water, and I have instilled a love of water in all three of my girls. Our family has a backyard pool and we enjoy boating, but I find myself still sounding like a lifeguard, shouting commands at my kids and their friends like, “No running….no diving…..no horseplay!” My youngest two daughters were stumped on the horseplay comment, “Huh? We’re not playing horse. We aren’t even playing ponies.”

Know the Facts about Childhood Drownings

It is not just poolside safety that concerns me, though. I worry, of course, about the most terrifying of all water-related scenarios –children drowning. It is an awful thing to talk or write about, but it is a truthful concern. According to the National Drowning Prevention Alliance (“NDPA”), an organization dedicated to water safety and saving lives, America has an average of 10 fatal drownings per day.

“Twenty-three percent of child drownings happen during a family gathering near a pool.” Even worse, eighty-seven percent of drowning fatalities happen in home pools or hot tubs for children younger than five, and most of those happen in pools owned by family or friends.

We also live on the reservoir, so another scary statistic is that children ages 5 to 17 are more likely to drown in natural water like ponds or lakes.

Layers of Protection in Water Safety

Statistics are one thing, but it is absolutely heartbreaking to hear of loved ones, friends, or even acquaintances who have lost a child to drowning. I have heard far too many of these stories, and they haunt me. I do not mean to write a strictly scare-tactic article to shock and sadden readers. Instead, my hope here is to spread life-saving information. As NDPA suggests, there are “layers of protection” that can prevent drowning.

There are things we, as parents, can do to make our children and others safer around water. First and foremost, learn and annually update yourself on CPR. We have all heard the phrase, “Use it or lose it,” but unless you are a paramedic or otherwise in the medical field –or perhaps a beach lifeguard– you are (thankfully) unlikely to actually use your CPR training often or ever. Therefore, it is important to regularly update your life-saving education and training.

1. Swim Lessons

I mentioned swim lessons earlier, and, yes, they can sometimes give both parents and children a false sense of security of water safety. Just because a child seems to be able to “swim” in an expected, safe environment with adults watching nearby, does NOT mean the child will actually swim when they accidentally fall into the pool, often fully dressed. The unexpected nature of it causes panic, and suddenly everything the child learned in swim lessons is simply gone. That said, swim lessons can and do help children gain life saving skills. In some instances, the skills children learn during lessons can buy you precious seconds to actually see what is happening and save a child’s life.

2. Barriers

Barriers are another major prevention that help save lives. Most insurance companies will insist you have a fence around any pool, but not all fencing is equal. Having four-sided isolation fences with self-closing latching gates are more secure to help keep children away from a pool. Again, though, this is only one layer of protection. The auto-latching element is important. I will never forget one of the scariest things I have ever personally witnessed. My family and I walked into our former home through the garage after being on an outing for a couple of hours, and my husband and I looked through the kitchen window and into the backyard to see a young toddler standing in our fully fenced yard walking directly toward our pool.

Being very aware of pool safety and having young children ourselves, the door to our backyard had a complicated process to get outside in order to keep our own kids safe from getting to the pool. My husband frantically went through the multiple locks and then through the gate outside of that to try to reach the tiny child in our backyard. Thankfully, he reached the child in time, and as it turned out, the toddler and his family were visiting our neighbors and the child had gotten out of our neighbor’s yard and into ours.

We couldn’t understand it initially, as we had a tall wood fence with a lock surrounding the yard. We later learned that the crew that mowed our grass had left the gate unlocked and cracked. Our current home now has a metal fence with auto-latch around the pool. Adding additional layers of protection around a backyard pool can be helpful, too. There are locks for interior doors, pool covers, pool alarms, and other barriers that can help make a backyard pool safer.

3. Life Jackets

Life jackets are another measure parents can take to keep kids safe. Obviously, children need to wear life-jackets while boating or when near natural bodies of water. This is true even if the children are older and are excellent swimmers. Life jackets can also be used in pools where the child(ren) are not strong swimmers. Please make sure the child is wearing a coast-guard approved life-jacket. The cute little rings and arm floaties are not life-saving devices.

During my years as a lifeguard, the majority of times I actually had to jump in the water to save a child was when the child slipped through or off of a float of some sort. The majority of those times, the saved child’s parent was standing nearby or even in the water with the child holding onto the float while chatting with a friend. Children slip under the water quietly. It is typically nothing like you see in movies wherein the drowning victim calls for help. According to NDPA, “drowning is fast and silent. It can happen in as a little to 20-60 seconds.”

4. Vigilance

It is all too easy for even dedicated, cautious parents to miss the fact that their child is actually struggling and not swimming, which is why complete vigilance –a major drowning prevention measure– is always necessary when kids are in or near any type of water. Vigilance can mean many different things, but one important factor for staying vigilant is avoiding distractions and providing undivided attention. It is best to have at least one parent or trusted adult fully devoted to watching the child(ren) at all times, which means to avoid texting, reading, or other activities that can –even for a moment–take your focus off of the child(ren.)

The grim statistics above are more than numbers. Those stats represent real children, real families, and good, conscientious parents who thought they were doing everything they could to protect their child(ren.) In considering various Summer writing topics, I thought about talking about throwing Summer parties or taking fun trips, but pool and water safety education is critical. Writing this article is a reminder to myself to check our own pool and water safety layers of protection. To better educate yourself on these topics and more about kids and water safety.

For more information visit ndpa.org and poolsafely.gov.

Looking for travel tips this summer? Check out “6 Travel Tips when Traveling with Family” and “Traveling with Totes“.

May has always been my favorite month. Since childhood, I have waited through April showers in anticipation of May flowers. The month of May presents both the end of Spring and the beginning of Summer break, giving Mississippians a special season all our own wherein the temperature is blissfully warm enough for Summer activities without being too hot. The grass is green and the flowers are blooming, yet the oppressive heat and humidity are mostly held at bay. You can actually lay out by the pool or go out on the Reservoir without feeling like you are melting. May is a beautiful month for hiking and picnicking by day, listening to the frogs and crickets in the evening, and star-watching at night. May is the month of our family’s annual beach trip and, of course, the month we celebrate mothers. This May will still be all of those lovely, sunny things, but, as I face my first Mother’s Day without my mother, this will also be a gray May.

As May approaches, a thousand emotions keep entering my heart, but a single word keeps
coming to mind –mama. The word “mama” is the same or similar across the world and in most languages. While its origins may stem from baby babble, the word “mama” (for those of us lucky enough) conjures up words like warmth, safety, and unconditional love.

Mama had a way with words.

Speaking of words, my Mama sure loved to use them. As a child, I saw her as a beautiful social butterfly. She would flitter around the room at a party or outside the church sanctuary, stopping to talk to each person. I would hide behind the skirt of her dress, shy and quiet, but watching in awe as she laughed and spoke to everyone with ease. When I was a teenager, sometimes all of Mama’s talking would embarrass me. She never met a stranger. On a shopping trip, my cheeks would grow red as Mom chatted up any and every cashier as if they had known each other forever.

I also watched Mama use her words for good during those years. She talked my siblings and me through many hard times, always knowing just what to say, and she did the same for many of our friends. As much as Mom loved talking, she knew how to keep a secret. I have friends who only confided in me now as adults how much my mom’s words helped them when we were younger.

Mom also used her words to go to bat for her kids or anyone she saw in need of help. Whether as PTA president or giving someone an earful if they crossed a line, her mama bear side would kick in when needed. Mom was always good at words of reassurance, too. Good heavens, she could build you up with her words! I could look my absolute worst and she’d swear I looked amazing, genuinely pointing out the beauty she saw. While she was good with words, she often didn’t even need them. It was her presence, her hug, her back tickles, or her reassuring smile that said more than words ever could.

A mother always giving to others.

As the years passed, Mom wasn’t as social as she used to be. Our family devoured all her time and energy…be it planning for, cooking at, and cleaning after family get-togethers or keeping her grandkids. She continued to use her voice, though –for singing to her grandchildren or reading them stories. She also used written words for things she was passionate about, especially God and His word. For years, she would send out daily devotions to extended family and friends.

She was our favorite weather woman, sending us emails and texts to start each day with a forecast update, including her cautious phrases like “wear layers” or “be careful”. As good as Mom was with words, she was also a great listener. For nearly my entire adult life, I called and talked to her every day.

As so often is the case with mothers, my mom was my best friend –even if I was not always hers. Mom gave, created, and cultivated an incredible one-sided friendship.

I would call her to vent, cry, or just blab about my day, my work, my problems, my kids, my life, but Mom rarely did the same. She listened and she advised. She was my biggest cheerleader, a true best friend, with no requirement or expectation of reciprocation. She was that for each of her three kids every single time we called her, and we called her often. And even though Mom surely grew weary of the calls from time to time, she always made time to talk.

In April 2020, when Mom started getting off the phone with us faster, we knew it wasn’t like her. She had missed her family so much since the Covid quarantine began just the month before. We were social distancing in an effort to keep Mom and Dad safe. We saw signs Mom was acting differently, but we assumed the change in her personality and decrease in chattiness was due to missing her grandbabies and feeling depressed. Then, my dad said, “Your mom isn’t talking much, and YOU KNOW that isn’t like her.”

One gray day in May

On a beautiful day during the first week of May 2020, Dad walked into the kitchen to find Mom, seemingly dazed and holding a knife in one hand and a lemon in the other. Mom couldn’t remember why she was standing there or what she had planned to do with that lemon. She was having trouble even speaking. Dad was alarmed. Had Mom had a series of strokes? Was this early Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia? Dad guided Mom to the car and they headed to St. Dominic’s emergency room wherein Mom was ultimately diagnosed with a glioblastoma (“GBM”), the most common but most complex, treatment-resistant, and deadliest type of brain tumor.

Things progressed quickly from there and we learned a lot over the next few days and weeks. Mom no longer acted like herself. Her tone was different. Her affect was flat. We no longer heard her normal cheery voice, and she no longer sang or read to the grandkids. Mom did not express much emotion, and she frequently had trouble finding the right words. Yet, in true Mom fashion, she still found a way to say a lot. You see, my Mama did not get diagnosed with brain cancer any ole time but did so during the month of May, which is brain tumor awareness month.

A philanthropist’s mission

Raising awareness about brain cancer was something near and dear to Mom’s heart as our
family lost our precious Natalie –Mom’s great niece– to Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (“DIPG”), the deadliest childhood brain cancer, on October 11, 2019. Natalie was only 15 years old, and as the Lord would have it, my mom was there in the room as Natalie took her last breath. When Natalie died, Mom’s heart was broken. Mom hurt for her sister, Natalie’s grandmother. Mom cried for her niece, Natalie’s mother. We all ached for their entire family, but Mom’s health seemed to be fine at that time. None of us could have ever imagined it possible, but seven months after Natalie died due to a brain tumor, my sweet Mama, on the beautiful and sunny first week of May 2020, was also diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Five months, countless doctors, several treatments, two surgeries, and one long hospital stay later, Mom, like Natalie, passed away due to her brain tumor. I believe that Natalie was there to greet Mom as she stepped into Heaven just as Mom had been there when Natalie left this world to enter those gates.

Carrying on the mission – A Gray May.

May is still the warm and beautiful month I have always loved so dearly. It is also brain cancer awareness month, and that is another reason that, for me and my family, the month of May will be gray. I will “Go Gray In May” to raise awareness, increase funding, and support families like mine impacted by brain tumors. Named for “gray matter,” gray is the color to represent brain tumor awareness. According to the National Brain Tumor Society, “nearly 700,000 Americans are living with a brain tumor. And, many more will be diagnosed each year.

Brain tumors are deadly, and can strike men, women, and children at any time.” According to the American Brain Tumor Association, in the year 2021, “[m]ore than 84,000 people will be diagnosed with a primary brain tumor,” and “approximately 18,000 will die as a result of a primary malignant brain tumor.” The types of brain tumors that took Mom and Natalie, GBM and DIPG, are just two of the 120 different types of primary brain tumors.

This May, I will remember my Mom and honor the incredible mother she was. I urge you to hug your own mother extra tight this May and soak in every word she says. I will also remember beautiful Natalie, this May, as well as her Mama, my cousin Amanda, a mother who lost her baby girl to brain cancer and misses her every day.

The month of May is still beautiful, but brain cancer is ugly and awful and we are working to increase brain tumor awareness. So, this May, please support “Go Gray in May” to raise awareness about brain cancer and brain tumors. This movement and the hashtag #gograyinmay help individuals and families impacted by brain tumors to find resources, receive acknowledgement, feel supported, and retain hope. You can show your support by wearing gray throughout the month of May and by donating to brain tumor research. To learn more, to donate, or to help raise awareness, visit the National Brain Tumor Society, the American Brain Tumor Association, and/or The Gray Matters Foundation.