Then Came a Worldwide Pandemic

During the beginning of the pandemic when the world was racing against time to figure out what had been unleashed in the infectious disease world, I was voraciously reading and searching the news for more information. Trying to understand the origins, the medical effects, the DNA of the war waged on us. It was called several things coronavirus, covid, covid19, a relative of the SARS pandemic from a decade ago, but I could still not wrap my brain around this thing that seemed like no name or word could correctly grasp. Spring break came and went and then the lock down happened! I need to understand!

My need to read everything started as an excuse to understand. I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal, there was a subscription special and I love reading the paper. So, I thought, why not? In addition to the paper, I signed up for Skimm emails. But I didn’t stop there. I signed up for the NYTimes morning and evening reports. I watched the Today show, Good Morning America, and CBS News. Read articles posted on Facebook. I read articles friends told me to read. I watched the evening news and at night I would read yet another email sent by another media sources.

Every media source was consistent in the science and numbers. I would see each state’s cases go up in numbers. The death toll kept rising. But our emotional state was much harder to quantify. The politics got messy. Each state seemed to march to its own beat for good or for bad, I don’t think we will know for awhile. Where your masks was the chant, and the resistance chanted back. What was happening!? I feel like America is in the middle of a messy divorce. The states are the children. But who are the parents?

An Upraising Fueled by Anger

Then in the middle of this war of the unclear disease, we had another rising. Fueled, not by the threat of something ravaging our immune system, but instead by anger that ravaged our social system as we know it. A wake up call to all of us that our system is broken. One thing is clear, we have to look back to our building blocks. From education to health care, all are symbiotic and everything needs a reboot.

Like curing the virus, there are no quick answers. Only time is on our side. A blessing to the healthy and a curse to the sick and hurting. My mind and heart were in a perpetual state of fear. My mind raced. Do I have the virus? What are the symptoms again? Does my husband have it? Can I go grocery shopping – I just need eggs? Tears roll down my face as a I watch the videos of injustice and sadness. What can I do?

My job as a mother is the most important – am I doing enough to teach my kids. Am I being a good role model?

Now, at this moment, I am overwhelmed. I feel like the people in the book “cloudy with a chance of meatballs“ when the food clouds went berserk. But instead of food I was having INFORMATION overload. I need to step back. I need to breathe and climb into my bubble — Where I feel safe, make decisions for me and my family (which includes wearing masks) and stay in touch with a few friends and my parents via zoom and phone calls. I’ll embrace the remarkable weather we have had during the days of the pandemic. That, I believed, was the silver lining.

The New Normal

What will happen in the next few months that is much harder to report. I realized that my quest for information was probably more for guidance on how to live life. The words “new normal” are everywhere. I guess it’s true. I realized that having access to all the articles and media in the world was too much information, not always correct and certainly not full of answers, and it didn’t help light up my pathway.

In fact, I noticed my favorite part of the paper is the “Arts” section, and that’s where I found peace. So that’s where I’m at. I am exhausted even though I have done very little the last couple of months. So, I will use this time as an excuse to watch masterpiece theater, make drinks and enjoy the rocking chairs on the porch, and dance to nostalgic songs with my kids in our living room. I don’t need to immerse myself with information to figure how to do any of those things. This is MY normal.

Coffee is everything to me. Actually, make that an espresso. A small shot of caffeine with beautiful creme floating on top or add water to make it more brewed-coffee like.

One cup is all I need.

It’s strange that I have become that mom, lady, woman that requires coffee for her day to go, at the very least, average. I can’t pinpoint the moment this became a thing. Maybe in my 20s, but since then, my whole family knows: my kids, my in-laws, my sibling, my parents.

It’s better to give me a superficial “Good morning”, until I get that cup and finish it.

I am not one that let’s it get cold. (I have heard that moms invented cold coffee!). Oh no, that is not me. I will drink that coffee in less than 5 minutes. Usually while standing. Summer or Winter.

Did I mention, it’s all I need.

Finding the Perfect Espresso Machine

When I had my second child, I was home bound. He required a lot. I was new to the area. With a two year old and a baby so I did very very little exploring. All this to say there was very little that made my day. One morning, I was online browsing on a deal and steals type of blog and it mentioned that a local store was having a great deal on espresso machines.

I told my husband I wanted one especially if it’s on sale and he knew better than to protest. So off to the store I went, alone, and on the counter a beautiful shiny machine gleaned and called to me. It was The Delonghi Perfecta ESAM5400. It brought back memories of fancy coffee shops and bantering baristas. It brought dreams of future sips from heaven (albeit in my kitchen).

It had a frother, grinder, made espresso and coffee, and had multiple setting for coffee strength. It was the perfect espresso machine.

I mean I felt like that kid Ralphie in A Christmas Story when he is gawking at the Red Ryder BB gun!

Wide eyed, I asked what the price was. The cashier confirmed IT WAS ON SALE, 75 percent off!!

Sold. I bought it.

I carried the box holding the big shiny machine to my car. It was the best day of my life (ok ok, other than marriage and the birth of my children). The year was 2011.

The Year of the Ass

Fast forward. It is 2020. The Chinese year of what? I don’t know. But probably an ass. Ahem. I mean donkey. With everything else going on, what should happen? Yes. You guessed it. My poor espresso machine sputtered it’s last shot of espresso. And I about died along side it.

I banged every possible part of my beloved espresso machine. Peered into it, looked at everything. Nothing was obvious. My husband tried to replace a part, pull it apart, look things up. But it had been discontinued and it’s hard to replace parts. It was not gonna happen. And just like that it was an end of an era.

The End of an Era

I used that machine every day, sometimes twice a day. My kids knew to turn it on if I was not yet awake. It was in some ways my alarm. “Time to get up mama” it would whisper to me as I crawled out of bed. Along with great coffee, I realized it created memories. Scenes of every day life happening in front of me with that cup and my machine.

I know, I know. In a world of chaos this is so unremarkable. But the thing is, it was part of my routine and something I looked forward to. My world has gotten small again, similar to when I had a newborn and a toddler. I cannot control much but I could have that cup of coffee and start these strange days awake and OK.

Over the Christmas holidays I got a small Nespresso machine. Maybe I knew in the back of my head, this day might come. It doesn’t make it any better that I was prepared. I will report that I still get my cup of coffee with the new machine. But, it’s not the same.

That is what life feels like right now. The routine that was once your life is no longer. Yet, life goes on. But let’s face it, it’s not the same.

Cancelling is one thing, but requesting refunds or store credit took a lot of time and patience. Time I have and lately, surprisingly, patience too. Probably because I have no plans, the irony.

I am happy to report that most places offered a REFUND and/or credit.  That’s good news, so I’ll take it. We could all use some money in the bank or in my case less balance on the credit card. I wanted to share my experience as I navigated through the online and on hold process.

Here are some tips I learned along the way:

Be prepared

Have every confirmation number ready and your credit card in front of you. I know this is the day and age of computers, but it’s hard to toggle between several screens on your phone and fill out forms. I found it easier to write it down on a piece of paper and fill in forms (or to read about the current protocol for requesting refunds) on a laptop.

Then you can enter or speak the numbers easily. If you are a copy and paste person – then by all means do that on a word document.  But compile it and have the information ready. You’ll feel prepared mentally too!! Don’t forget to have a good attitude! If answers are not quick to surface, at least you started.

Call if you can

One of my trips was through Costco and I was not able to located the form to request a refund (Funny thing is, I did find forms for credit for future use). Though the website said do not call, I did it anyway. If I had to hang up – so be it.  I went to my office, aka the laundry room, and was prepared to give 30 minutes to the wait time. I was pleasantly surprised that I got a human asap. She was lovely. She spoke to the cruise line and verified it was cancelled (duh!) and said that notes were made and a refund will be issued. Music to my ears. 

Airlines are also not advertising this but I read on our carrier if a flight is cancelled we get a refund. So again, I called and got a human asap. She verified my flight was cancelled and walked me through how to get the refund (again I was asked if I would like a certificate for future flight).  I still had to fill out a form online but she pointed me in the right direction. Incidentally, she is a mom too and asked how “homeschooling” was going. Looks like we all crave conversation. This was an interesting read, and may provide more insight into airline refunds.

Also be sure to check out our Frugal Friday post. This tip is about flight refunds.

I called our travel insurance provider, AIG. Again, spoke to a person within minutes. With my policy number readily available, she told me that I would need to email indicating that the cruise was cancelled and they would proceed with credit toward another travel insurance policy for a future travel event. Sounds good to me. I do plan on traveling again!

Refunds for Event Tickets

I had tickets for local events. All of them gave me options. I decided for one of the ticketed events, to give as a donation. I received a letter in the mail indicating that status for my records. The other two events, I asked for a refund. Speaking from my experience only, most local places are ready to talk on the phone and are happy to do whatever suits you. I promised all that I would be back next year. The least I could do was share my goodwill, and I plan to keep that promise. 

Recreational Sports Fees

For the kids’ recreational sports, I sent emails and asked if the registration fees could be considered donations or if I could get a refund. Obviously, we didn’t get much of a soccer season and I am doubtful we will have a baseball season. The soccer folks were able to give me some funds back. On a side note they were hopeful to get some type of soccer season in May and June. If your kids are huge soccer fans than maybe worth waiting it out. Baseball has not been quick to make a decision about refunds just yet. But, I’m not sure we want to participate if it’s later in the year. I will have to follow up at some point.

Membership Dues

I stopped going to the gym in early March. It’s interesting that as the number dwindled in how many could gather, my gym tried to keep up with the changes. Fortunately, in April they froze all gym memberships and realized there was no viable way to continue. I asked for a freeze earlier and had to do paper work. In the end they had to cease operations anyway. This is when I noted that most places come around. I’m just that person that had the foresight to go ahead and ask. 

Insurance Premiums

Car Insurance recently emailed me that they plan to refund 20% back for those of us with active automobile insurance. The refund will be mailed next month. Considering that I have not left the house, let alone drive, that is good news. I did email and ask, but I believe that this was in the works. Contacting your local agent and letting them know you are no longer commuting could result in lower premiums.

I wanted to share my experience because I am sure there are many of us who are in the same situation. It was not a chore I looked forward to, but I had to try. Once I started, it felt good to know people were all on the same side. These are unusual times which require unusual reqests and unusual solutions. Refunds are not expected, but for now they are acts of kindness and a reminder that we are all in this together.

Meanwhile, I have plans to go to Disney in the fall. I’ll hope for the best.

Fast forward to my life years later, and I find myself realizing that these conversations are probably the most meaningful to me as a parent. The fifteen to twenty minutes between home and carpool and carpool and home is the best time to be on the same page as my children. Conversations can be as simple as “lunch was terrible!” or “where does an ambulance park at night?” to deeper and harder topics “what is insurance?” or “why was Costco built faster than our new home?”

Together, we are captive audiences and, for now, we are each other’s company before we reach our destination and reality sets back in. I use this time to tell them the day’s schedule if we have after school activities that we need to prepare for. Or maybe my husband and I have date night and kids will have a babysitter and we talk about the plan for that. We also use this time to recite poems that must be said aloud to the class for a grade, or spelling words that are about to be tested.

Sometimes we have this precious time to talk about an incident that happened that day, and words or actions we might use to stop that from happening again. The car ride has become more than the time to hurry up and get to the birthday party, it has become the time that life for kid is revealed.

I read something once that really stuck with me. Don’t ask your child “how was your day?” It’s too general, too vague and the days are long. So instead I start off with, “How was lunch?” Then “anyone absent in class today” (I ask this more for me to see if we have sicknesses within the class!) Then we mosey on to “what did you do at recess?” And without a doubt, the conversation picks up from there: Classes get discussed and a rhythm is set. I dare not ask this when we get home. The moment is over, and there is too much to do.

On longer trips, devices are allowed. But after awhile, I ask them to put it away, and they can play DJ with my phone and we all get a pick of what song we would like to listen to. Jamming with your kids is the best, them teasing you that you don’t know the words not as much! We also have the usual “slugbug” for anytime you see a VW lovebug, and how many water towers we can find? We have the “take a nap” conversation for awhile always met with angst. But if we are very quiet, one or both will doze off. Especially if we have brought blankets and pillows!

The movie also had discussions with other ‘boys” (including the boyfriend). So, let me include my husband. Believe it or not, the time we are in the car together also allows for dialogue and adult conversations. I hear the problems and highlights of his work and vice versa, we share stories from our childhood (yes even after fifteen years of marriage we still have stones left unturned), we make plans for our next vacations, and we may air out some not so fun issues.

I can recall my mom looking at us through the rear view mirror when we were little. I have this image of her moving her eyebrows, eyes that brightened when she smiled, or sometimes death stares. I don’t remember what we spoke (or argued) about but I can still see her eyes looking at me and listening.

Today, I think we post and share about the exclamation points in our kids lives, but these are the quiet commas that we live amongst and I am grateful for it.

I am grateful for that rear view mirror. I am grateful to have two young men who ask me questions, or tell me their concerns, and even tell me what they think about the future. They are 8 and 11 in case you are wondering. A magical age where the outside world is not imposing on them, but their curiosity will prepare them for it.

I will do my part, as a parent, and hopefully one day they will look at their children (or me) through their rearview mirror and continue their chats riding in their cars! Meanwhile, reality is setting in: time for a snack, then homework, then practice your instrument, dinner, shower, and go to bed!

We had just purchased a new home and to my surprise were boarding the windows as was shown to us by the previous owners. That night, as Ms. Beverly suggested, we put the few valuable things we had – some vases, our diplomas, and a few other things we thought were of value, on high shelves so should water come in, these items would be safe. After all, they were all obtained recently. Most were wedding gifts, as we were 3 months old newlyweds. The diplomas, however, were hard earned. Graduating from law school and medical school was no small feat and doing it together should have earned us another certificate. We had moved into our first house on Center Street in the highly coveted Lakeview area. I changed my drivers license to reflect my newlywed home. This is where we would make our home, our life. But this hurricane felt different and not wanting to take a chance, we decided to go. 

Among the wedding gifts, was the new car my dad had given to me. To us. But since it was contraflow (evacuation with all roads leading out of the city), we decided it was best to go in one car. Dealing with traffic, running out of gas, and all the other problems that could arise when fleeing a city, we would do it together. 

Anticipating we would be gone for only a few days at most, we packed only a few items . Underwear, t-shirts and a few pair of shorts. That was all. I was overcome by a feeling, something in my heart that thought this might not end well, a sixth sense if you will. That feeling urged me to ran back and grab a small jewelry box. Not much was in there, but I had a few pieces that held sentimental value. We got into his car and drove to our nearest refuge, his parents’ house in Baton Rouge. 

We reached Baton Rouge without incident. There we waited. Not surprisingly, the power went out. It was so hot. I have vague memories of waiting it out at a friends house, waiting to hear news. News from the city. It would be the longest 24 hours of my life. Eventually, the news started to come in. It was grave. There was terrible flooding. The levees had failed. Lakeview among other areas were under water. My naïveté showed. What levee? What has failed? Why is this happening? Army Corps of Engineer was to blame or so it was reported. All I knew was that we were about to be part of history. Our home, my car, and every thing I owned was still there, now under water.

That sixth sense, that uncanny explainable feeling turned into a sad truth. Everything was gone. In those seconds that I thought to take that small jewelry box, I was grateful. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose. We should have packed more, I should have gotten this or that. But, to be honest, even as I write this, I do not know what else I would have taken in that split second that I turned back. 

In the early days of September 2005, we saw the wreckage. My car had floated away, the fridge too. We were able to salvage a few things of importance, so all was not lost. My wedding necklace was drudged up from the piles and piles of mud, fallen roof pieces and insulation. I have never been more thankful for gift cards in my life, they survived. There was a wine bottle that had floated to the top of the debris. We thought about taking it but we looked at it and saw something floating in the bottle and thought better not. My wedding gown was ruined but the pictures were digital. I never did see Ms Beverly again. I still wondered what happened to my one neighbor-friend. 

The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina was felt by us, not because of the things we lost, but because of the amount of devastation our city, our state felt. Over 1800 people lost their lives. We were the lucky ones. We still had each other. We had an enormous amount of paperwork that had to be filled out to be able to walk away from our things that were no longer there, but we were alive and had made it out. Although we were unsure about our next step, we were grateful that we had not stayed.

Our life path was altered for sure. I cannot tell you if we were meant to end up here, hurricane or no hurricane.  I used to think I had control over my life.  Not always. Regardless, the storm did come and after a very crooked path – It lead us to what is, I pray our forever “home” — Mississippi. 

My thoughts and prayers go out to the most recent victims of mother nature. I promise, even if you didn’t take everything as you leave your homes behind and head to safety, all is not lost.