It seems like a lifetime ago, but throughout high school and college, I was a lifeguard; teaching swim lessons and eventually managed a pool. I loved my job. I did not know back then that those years spent focusing on swim safety would later cause me to be a total pool kill-joy for my kids and others. No, seriously, I still love the water, and I have instilled a love of water in all three of my girls. Our family has a backyard pool and we enjoy boating, but I find myself still sounding like a lifeguard, shouting commands at my kids and their friends like, “No running….no diving…..no horseplay!” My youngest two daughters were stumped on the horseplay comment, “Huh? We’re not playing horse. We aren’t even playing ponies.”

Know the Facts about Childhood Drownings

It is not just poolside safety that concerns me, though. I worry, of course, about the most terrifying of all water-related scenarios –children drowning. It is an awful thing to talk or write about, but it is a truthful concern. According to the National Drowning Prevention Alliance (“NDPA”), an organization dedicated to water safety and saving lives, America has an average of 10 fatal drownings per day.

“Twenty-three percent of child drownings happen during a family gathering near a pool.” Even worse, eighty-seven percent of drowning fatalities happen in home pools or hot tubs for children younger than five, and most of those happen in pools owned by family or friends.

We also live on the reservoir, so another scary statistic is that children ages 5 to 17 are more likely to drown in natural water like ponds or lakes.

Layers of Protection in Water Safety

Statistics are one thing, but it is absolutely heartbreaking to hear of loved ones, friends, or even acquaintances who have lost a child to drowning. I have heard far too many of these stories, and they haunt me. I do not mean to write a strictly scare-tactic article to shock and sadden readers. Instead, my hope here is to spread life-saving information. As NDPA suggests, there are “layers of protection” that can prevent drowning.

There are things we, as parents, can do to make our children and others safer around water. First and foremost, learn and annually update yourself on CPR. We have all heard the phrase, “Use it or lose it,” but unless you are a paramedic or otherwise in the medical field –or perhaps a beach lifeguard– you are (thankfully) unlikely to actually use your CPR training often or ever. Therefore, it is important to regularly update your life-saving education and training.

1. Swim Lessons

I mentioned swim lessons earlier, and, yes, they can sometimes give both parents and children a false sense of security of water safety. Just because a child seems to be able to “swim” in an expected, safe environment with adults watching nearby, does NOT mean the child will actually swim when they accidentally fall into the pool, often fully dressed. The unexpected nature of it causes panic, and suddenly everything the child learned in swim lessons is simply gone. That said, swim lessons can and do help children gain life saving skills. In some instances, the skills children learn during lessons can buy you precious seconds to actually see what is happening and save a child’s life.

2. Barriers

Barriers are another major prevention that help save lives. Most insurance companies will insist you have a fence around any pool, but not all fencing is equal. Having four-sided isolation fences with self-closing latching gates are more secure to help keep children away from a pool. Again, though, this is only one layer of protection. The auto-latching element is important. I will never forget one of the scariest things I have ever personally witnessed. My family and I walked into our former home through the garage after being on an outing for a couple of hours, and my husband and I looked through the kitchen window and into the backyard to see a young toddler standing in our fully fenced yard walking directly toward our pool.

Being very aware of pool safety and having young children ourselves, the door to our backyard had a complicated process to get outside in order to keep our own kids safe from getting to the pool. My husband frantically went through the multiple locks and then through the gate outside of that to try to reach the tiny child in our backyard. Thankfully, he reached the child in time, and as it turned out, the toddler and his family were visiting our neighbors and the child had gotten out of our neighbor’s yard and into ours.

We couldn’t understand it initially, as we had a tall wood fence with a lock surrounding the yard. We later learned that the crew that mowed our grass had left the gate unlocked and cracked. Our current home now has a metal fence with auto-latch around the pool. Adding additional layers of protection around a backyard pool can be helpful, too. There are locks for interior doors, pool covers, pool alarms, and other barriers that can help make a backyard pool safer.

3. Life Jackets

Life jackets are another measure parents can take to keep kids safe. Obviously, children need to wear life-jackets while boating or when near natural bodies of water. This is true even if the children are older and are excellent swimmers. Life jackets can also be used in pools where the child(ren) are not strong swimmers. Please make sure the child is wearing a coast-guard approved life-jacket. The cute little rings and arm floaties are not life-saving devices.

During my years as a lifeguard, the majority of times I actually had to jump in the water to save a child was when the child slipped through or off of a float of some sort. The majority of those times, the saved child’s parent was standing nearby or even in the water with the child holding onto the float while chatting with a friend. Children slip under the water quietly. It is typically nothing like you see in movies wherein the drowning victim calls for help. According to NDPA, “drowning is fast and silent. It can happen in as a little to 20-60 seconds.”

4. Vigilance

It is all too easy for even dedicated, cautious parents to miss the fact that their child is actually struggling and not swimming, which is why complete vigilance –a major drowning prevention measure– is always necessary when kids are in or near any type of water. Vigilance can mean many different things, but one important factor for staying vigilant is avoiding distractions and providing undivided attention. It is best to have at least one parent or trusted adult fully devoted to watching the child(ren) at all times, which means to avoid texting, reading, or other activities that can –even for a moment–take your focus off of the child(ren.)

The grim statistics above are more than numbers. Those stats represent real children, real families, and good, conscientious parents who thought they were doing everything they could to protect their child(ren.) In considering various Summer writing topics, I thought about talking about throwing Summer parties or taking fun trips, but pool and water safety education is critical. Writing this article is a reminder to myself to check our own pool and water safety layers of protection. To better educate yourself on these topics and more about kids and water safety.

For more information visit ndpa.org and poolsafely.gov.

Looking for travel tips this summer? Check out “6 Travel Tips when Traveling with Family” and “Traveling with Totes“.

Our children endured changes, challenges and, at times, chaos this past school year. They made it, and they deserve all the pats on the back, awards, accolades, and cheers we can give them. They showed us all how to persevere through tough times.  I’m very proud of not only my children, but all students across the globe. 

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince said, “Summer, summer, summertime, time to sit back and unwind.”  I agree.  After this past year, all I want to do is unwind, chill, and go to the beach. Honestly, I wish I could live at the beach. Realistically, I know that there will be long periods of time when we will all be at home.  Of course, the kids will want to play video games, use the iPad, and watch television. They deserve to do that, right? Remember, they just completed a tough and unique year of school filled with masks, social distancing, etc. 

As a mom, enjoying a break from refereeing siblings by letting technology occupy their time would be the easy way out.  I recently heard Pastor Charles Smith say, however, “Parenting is a 25-hour a day, 8 days a week job.” There are no days off.  While children do deserve chill and vacation time (and I allow them that) the mom in me will have to set limits when we are home. What do I mean by limits? It’s summer, and if your kids are like mine, then you know that the spirit of laziness will try to creep in and cause them to not want to do anything…but, Not today Satan.  This is why I have to set limits on screen time.

Unlimited Screen time vs Limits

Let’s talk about screen time. When my children were very young, I would allow them to watch YouTube on the iPad and my phone. It was easy. It kept them entertained, and it gave me a break. One day, my husband noticed that the kids would cry if we took the iPad or phone. We both knew then that this was turning into an addiction. We decided to remove all devices. It was tough, and the kids literally “cried it out” for about two weeks. It was like weaning them off the pacifier or bottle. It was tough, but we made it.

We learned years ago that too much screen time could actually harm a child. As parents, that’s the last thing we wanted to do. I like to believe that no parent wants to intentionally or unintentionally harm his or her own child. Too much screen time could cause poor eyesight, aid in obesity, cause sleep issues, and encourage a sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to other health issues (Ashton, J.J., & Beattie, R.M.). The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommended screen times for children based on their ages. See the chart below for examples.  Once my husband and I learned about the harmful side effects of too much screen time from various forms of technology such as video games, and television, we knew we had to get creative.

Screen time limits and Guidelines

Before Screen Time

During the summer, my kids have to complete a certain amount of reading before watching TV or picking up a device. This summer, I included an incentive for reading to motivate them to read more than the mandatory 20 minutes per day. They also have to play outside for a certain amount of time, complete chores, clean their room, and choose an activity that’s creative. 

We also have fun together as family.  We play basketball, tic tac toe, play with Legos, go fishing, swim, ride bikes, go to the park, and take walks in our neighborhood.  Be creative, have fun, and enjoy your kids while they are young.  See the chart below for a checklist you can use as a guide for your family.  There are tons of free pintables online that you print and post on your refrigerator.

Stand Your Ground

You know your children and what work best for them. Make adjustments according to their personalities and your lifestyle. Get them motivated and excited to try new things, explore nature by getting outside, visit the library, go on nature walks, go to the park, enroll them in camps, and/or have them help you clean around the house. Whatever you decide to do, be sure to set limits.  Children need discipline, boundaries, and limits. Parents, be prepared for them to test those limits. Lastly, whenever you do allow screen time, make sure to monitor what your kids are watching and make sure the content is age appropriate and meaningful.  Parents, stand your ground and enforce your screen time limits.  Don’t let the world (through technology) have more influence on them than you. 

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

P.S. Someone take me back to the BEACH…PLEASE!

Screen Time in Children and Adolescents: Is There Evidence to Guide Parents and Policy? 
Ashton, J.J., & Beattie, R.M., The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 2019

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. https://www.aacap.org

Charles Smith, Author, 7-Steps to Raising Amazing Children. 2020

The truth is, stepmoms are expected to be moms everyday of the year; except when you are a stepmom on Mother’s Day.

I pray I can help a stepmom on Mother’s Day struggling with feelings of inadequacy and find peace and comfort. Most of all, I hope you remember this day is about all ladies that have served as someone’s mom. You are serving as a mother to your child. 

A little bit about my story

When I married my husband I became a mom overnight. I felt unprepared for the task that I was signing up for. It was overwhelming for that twenty seven year old. However, it turned out that I was ready for the task of being a stepmom. There was an understanding that my decisions had the ability to screw up a child’s life. I was a stepchild several times myself and could recall all the feelings I experienced then. 

As stepmoms there is a huge role of responsibility and I understood that. Sure I had to work out some selfishness; but that is a continual walk I face daily; as a wife, mom, friend, and lady. I have always been honest and open about my struggles as a stepmom.

Fast forward ten years into being a stepmom and here are four important lessons I have learned. 

1. You do not stop being a stepmom on Mother’s Day.

On this day we say “Happy Mothers Day”. Your stepchild does have a biological mom; and she deserves to be loved on this day. Most likely, they will be spending Mother’s Day with their biological mom. That is how it should be. Children should spend Mother’s Day with their moms. I understand that situation may not be the best for your stepchild, but that is something you have to give to God. It will all work out.

This day might mean the world to your stepchild. They love their mom. It is important to ask them “how their day was with their mom”. Don’t forget to check up on your sweet stepchild and make sure they are having an awesome day. As a stepmom, that is still your job. Even if your stepchild is not sweet to you, please check up on them. It’s important, because your role is an unconditional role. 

2. It will be okay if you do not hear the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day”.

This is so important to remember. It is very hard to hear someone say this, I know. If you love your stepchild like your own, this can be very challenging. However, it is so important to remember not to force this day. Do not make this day awkward for anyone, specifically your spouse. Do not punish your spouse or stepchild if they are not ready to acknowledge you this Mother’s Day. It does not matter how many meals you have cooked. Or how many homework assignments you have helped with. Let Mother’s Day unfold naturally. It will mean so much more to you. I can recall the first day I heard Happy Mother’s Day from my stepchild. It was worth the wait! I promise!

3. Do not listen to what others say about you on this day.

This is the most important thing you can remember. Just because you are not acknowledged on this day, does not mean you are not special. As a stepmom, please do not take to heart the things you will hear. You do have a voice in your stepchild’s life. You can be as much as a mom as you desire to be. It is okay to love your stepchild as your own biological child. I believe you do!

Caring and loving your children is your place. You have every right to be concerned or involved. Never back down from loving your children. Be genuine and never stop caring. Ignore the painful words you might hear along the way. You are stronger than that pain. You are doing an exceptional job and it is okay to feel some sadness on this day.

4. Find a way to celebrate yourself on Mother’s Day.

This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. If you do not love yourself how can you expect your stepchild to fall in love with you. Find a way to make this day special for you. Reward yourself with something you enjoy or treasure. Spend the day with your spouse. Do something that brings you joy. Make this day special, despite all the sadness you might feel.

See you are special! You have worked hard as a stepmom and changed so much. This role as stepmom has caused you to give up so much. That role is not easy; and, it comes with much baggage. It is a fine balance between not being selfish and giving all you have. Trust me, I understand what you are faced with. So please, take a bubble bath, put your headphones on, and play your favorite music.

There are also some great self-care ideas in the article Five Things to Aid in Quarantine Sanity.

Stepmom, if you do not feel seen on this special day. If you have not heard Happy Mother’s Day from anyone today. Then please take these words to heart. Sweet mom, listen to what I have to say. Happy Mother’s Day Love! You are doing an exceptional job. You are special today and everyday. XOXOXO

Yours truly, from another Stepmom 

If  you would like to connect with another stepmom, then please feel free to contact Jessie Trichell @MomentsBayou. You can also follow Moments Bayou on Facebook.