It seems like a lifetime ago, but throughout high school and college, I was a lifeguard; teaching swim lessons and eventually managed a pool. I loved my job. I did not know back then that those years spent focusing on swim safety would later cause me to be a total pool kill-joy for my kids and others. No, seriously, I still love the water, and I have instilled a love of water in all three of my girls. Our family has a backyard pool and we enjoy boating, but I find myself still sounding like a lifeguard, shouting commands at my kids and their friends like, “No running….no diving…..no horseplay!” My youngest two daughters were stumped on the horseplay comment, “Huh? We’re not playing horse. We aren’t even playing ponies.”

Know the Facts about Childhood Drownings

It is not just poolside safety that concerns me, though. I worry, of course, about the most terrifying of all water-related scenarios –children drowning. It is an awful thing to talk or write about, but it is a truthful concern. According to the National Drowning Prevention Alliance (“NDPA”), an organization dedicated to water safety and saving lives, America has an average of 10 fatal drownings per day.

“Twenty-three percent of child drownings happen during a family gathering near a pool.” Even worse, eighty-seven percent of drowning fatalities happen in home pools or hot tubs for children younger than five, and most of those happen in pools owned by family or friends.

We also live on the reservoir, so another scary statistic is that children ages 5 to 17 are more likely to drown in natural water like ponds or lakes.

Layers of Protection in Water Safety

Statistics are one thing, but it is absolutely heartbreaking to hear of loved ones, friends, or even acquaintances who have lost a child to drowning. I have heard far too many of these stories, and they haunt me. I do not mean to write a strictly scare-tactic article to shock and sadden readers. Instead, my hope here is to spread life-saving information. As NDPA suggests, there are “layers of protection” that can prevent drowning.

There are things we, as parents, can do to make our children and others safer around water. First and foremost, learn and annually update yourself on CPR. We have all heard the phrase, “Use it or lose it,” but unless you are a paramedic or otherwise in the medical field –or perhaps a beach lifeguard– you are (thankfully) unlikely to actually use your CPR training often or ever. Therefore, it is important to regularly update your life-saving education and training.

1. Swim Lessons

I mentioned swim lessons earlier, and, yes, they can sometimes give both parents and children a false sense of security of water safety. Just because a child seems to be able to “swim” in an expected, safe environment with adults watching nearby, does NOT mean the child will actually swim when they accidentally fall into the pool, often fully dressed. The unexpected nature of it causes panic, and suddenly everything the child learned in swim lessons is simply gone. That said, swim lessons can and do help children gain life saving skills. In some instances, the skills children learn during lessons can buy you precious seconds to actually see what is happening and save a child’s life.

2. Barriers

Barriers are another major prevention that help save lives. Most insurance companies will insist you have a fence around any pool, but not all fencing is equal. Having four-sided isolation fences with self-closing latching gates are more secure to help keep children away from a pool. Again, though, this is only one layer of protection. The auto-latching element is important. I will never forget one of the scariest things I have ever personally witnessed. My family and I walked into our former home through the garage after being on an outing for a couple of hours, and my husband and I looked through the kitchen window and into the backyard to see a young toddler standing in our fully fenced yard walking directly toward our pool.

Being very aware of pool safety and having young children ourselves, the door to our backyard had a complicated process to get outside in order to keep our own kids safe from getting to the pool. My husband frantically went through the multiple locks and then through the gate outside of that to try to reach the tiny child in our backyard. Thankfully, he reached the child in time, and as it turned out, the toddler and his family were visiting our neighbors and the child had gotten out of our neighbor’s yard and into ours.

We couldn’t understand it initially, as we had a tall wood fence with a lock surrounding the yard. We later learned that the crew that mowed our grass had left the gate unlocked and cracked. Our current home now has a metal fence with auto-latch around the pool. Adding additional layers of protection around a backyard pool can be helpful, too. There are locks for interior doors, pool covers, pool alarms, and other barriers that can help make a backyard pool safer.

3. Life Jackets

Life jackets are another measure parents can take to keep kids safe. Obviously, children need to wear life-jackets while boating or when near natural bodies of water. This is true even if the children are older and are excellent swimmers. Life jackets can also be used in pools where the child(ren) are not strong swimmers. Please make sure the child is wearing a coast-guard approved life-jacket. The cute little rings and arm floaties are not life-saving devices.

During my years as a lifeguard, the majority of times I actually had to jump in the water to save a child was when the child slipped through or off of a float of some sort. The majority of those times, the saved child’s parent was standing nearby or even in the water with the child holding onto the float while chatting with a friend. Children slip under the water quietly. It is typically nothing like you see in movies wherein the drowning victim calls for help. According to NDPA, “drowning is fast and silent. It can happen in as a little to 20-60 seconds.”

4. Vigilance

It is all too easy for even dedicated, cautious parents to miss the fact that their child is actually struggling and not swimming, which is why complete vigilance –a major drowning prevention measure– is always necessary when kids are in or near any type of water. Vigilance can mean many different things, but one important factor for staying vigilant is avoiding distractions and providing undivided attention. It is best to have at least one parent or trusted adult fully devoted to watching the child(ren) at all times, which means to avoid texting, reading, or other activities that can –even for a moment–take your focus off of the child(ren.)

The grim statistics above are more than numbers. Those stats represent real children, real families, and good, conscientious parents who thought they were doing everything they could to protect their child(ren.) In considering various Summer writing topics, I thought about talking about throwing Summer parties or taking fun trips, but pool and water safety education is critical. Writing this article is a reminder to myself to check our own pool and water safety layers of protection. To better educate yourself on these topics and more about kids and water safety.

For more information visit ndpa.org and poolsafely.gov.

Looking for travel tips this summer? Check out “6 Travel Tips when Traveling with Family” and “Traveling with Totes“.

May has always been my favorite month. Since childhood, I have waited through April showers in anticipation of May flowers. The month of May presents both the end of Spring and the beginning of Summer break, giving Mississippians a special season all our own wherein the temperature is blissfully warm enough for Summer activities without being too hot. The grass is green and the flowers are blooming, yet the oppressive heat and humidity are mostly held at bay. You can actually lay out by the pool or go out on the Reservoir without feeling like you are melting. May is a beautiful month for hiking and picnicking by day, listening to the frogs and crickets in the evening, and star-watching at night. May is the month of our family’s annual beach trip and, of course, the month we celebrate mothers. This May will still be all of those lovely, sunny things, but, as I face my first Mother’s Day without my mother, this will also be a gray May.

As May approaches, a thousand emotions keep entering my heart, but a single word keeps
coming to mind –mama. The word “mama” is the same or similar across the world and in most languages. While its origins may stem from baby babble, the word “mama” (for those of us lucky enough) conjures up words like warmth, safety, and unconditional love.

Mama had a way with words.

Speaking of words, my Mama sure loved to use them. As a child, I saw her as a beautiful social butterfly. She would flitter around the room at a party or outside the church sanctuary, stopping to talk to each person. I would hide behind the skirt of her dress, shy and quiet, but watching in awe as she laughed and spoke to everyone with ease. When I was a teenager, sometimes all of Mama’s talking would embarrass me. She never met a stranger. On a shopping trip, my cheeks would grow red as Mom chatted up any and every cashier as if they had known each other forever.

I also watched Mama use her words for good during those years. She talked my siblings and me through many hard times, always knowing just what to say, and she did the same for many of our friends. As much as Mom loved talking, she knew how to keep a secret. I have friends who only confided in me now as adults how much my mom’s words helped them when we were younger.

Mom also used her words to go to bat for her kids or anyone she saw in need of help. Whether as PTA president or giving someone an earful if they crossed a line, her mama bear side would kick in when needed. Mom was always good at words of reassurance, too. Good heavens, she could build you up with her words! I could look my absolute worst and she’d swear I looked amazing, genuinely pointing out the beauty she saw. While she was good with words, she often didn’t even need them. It was her presence, her hug, her back tickles, or her reassuring smile that said more than words ever could.

A mother always giving to others.

As the years passed, Mom wasn’t as social as she used to be. Our family devoured all her time and energy…be it planning for, cooking at, and cleaning after family get-togethers or keeping her grandkids. She continued to use her voice, though –for singing to her grandchildren or reading them stories. She also used written words for things she was passionate about, especially God and His word. For years, she would send out daily devotions to extended family and friends.

She was our favorite weather woman, sending us emails and texts to start each day with a forecast update, including her cautious phrases like “wear layers” or “be careful”. As good as Mom was with words, she was also a great listener. For nearly my entire adult life, I called and talked to her every day.

As so often is the case with mothers, my mom was my best friend –even if I was not always hers. Mom gave, created, and cultivated an incredible one-sided friendship.

I would call her to vent, cry, or just blab about my day, my work, my problems, my kids, my life, but Mom rarely did the same. She listened and she advised. She was my biggest cheerleader, a true best friend, with no requirement or expectation of reciprocation. She was that for each of her three kids every single time we called her, and we called her often. And even though Mom surely grew weary of the calls from time to time, she always made time to talk.

In April 2020, when Mom started getting off the phone with us faster, we knew it wasn’t like her. She had missed her family so much since the Covid quarantine began just the month before. We were social distancing in an effort to keep Mom and Dad safe. We saw signs Mom was acting differently, but we assumed the change in her personality and decrease in chattiness was due to missing her grandbabies and feeling depressed. Then, my dad said, “Your mom isn’t talking much, and YOU KNOW that isn’t like her.”

One gray day in May

On a beautiful day during the first week of May 2020, Dad walked into the kitchen to find Mom, seemingly dazed and holding a knife in one hand and a lemon in the other. Mom couldn’t remember why she was standing there or what she had planned to do with that lemon. She was having trouble even speaking. Dad was alarmed. Had Mom had a series of strokes? Was this early Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia? Dad guided Mom to the car and they headed to St. Dominic’s emergency room wherein Mom was ultimately diagnosed with a glioblastoma (“GBM”), the most common but most complex, treatment-resistant, and deadliest type of brain tumor.

Things progressed quickly from there and we learned a lot over the next few days and weeks. Mom no longer acted like herself. Her tone was different. Her affect was flat. We no longer heard her normal cheery voice, and she no longer sang or read to the grandkids. Mom did not express much emotion, and she frequently had trouble finding the right words. Yet, in true Mom fashion, she still found a way to say a lot. You see, my Mama did not get diagnosed with brain cancer any ole time but did so during the month of May, which is brain tumor awareness month.

A philanthropist’s mission

Raising awareness about brain cancer was something near and dear to Mom’s heart as our
family lost our precious Natalie –Mom’s great niece– to Diffuse Intrinsic Pontine Glioma (“DIPG”), the deadliest childhood brain cancer, on October 11, 2019. Natalie was only 15 years old, and as the Lord would have it, my mom was there in the room as Natalie took her last breath. When Natalie died, Mom’s heart was broken. Mom hurt for her sister, Natalie’s grandmother. Mom cried for her niece, Natalie’s mother. We all ached for their entire family, but Mom’s health seemed to be fine at that time. None of us could have ever imagined it possible, but seven months after Natalie died due to a brain tumor, my sweet Mama, on the beautiful and sunny first week of May 2020, was also diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Five months, countless doctors, several treatments, two surgeries, and one long hospital stay later, Mom, like Natalie, passed away due to her brain tumor. I believe that Natalie was there to greet Mom as she stepped into Heaven just as Mom had been there when Natalie left this world to enter those gates.

Carrying on the mission – A Gray May.

May is still the warm and beautiful month I have always loved so dearly. It is also brain cancer awareness month, and that is another reason that, for me and my family, the month of May will be gray. I will “Go Gray In May” to raise awareness, increase funding, and support families like mine impacted by brain tumors. Named for “gray matter,” gray is the color to represent brain tumor awareness. According to the National Brain Tumor Society, “nearly 700,000 Americans are living with a brain tumor. And, many more will be diagnosed each year.

Brain tumors are deadly, and can strike men, women, and children at any time.” According to the American Brain Tumor Association, in the year 2021, “[m]ore than 84,000 people will be diagnosed with a primary brain tumor,” and “approximately 18,000 will die as a result of a primary malignant brain tumor.” The types of brain tumors that took Mom and Natalie, GBM and DIPG, are just two of the 120 different types of primary brain tumors.

This May, I will remember my Mom and honor the incredible mother she was. I urge you to hug your own mother extra tight this May and soak in every word she says. I will also remember beautiful Natalie, this May, as well as her Mama, my cousin Amanda, a mother who lost her baby girl to brain cancer and misses her every day.

The month of May is still beautiful, but brain cancer is ugly and awful and we are working to increase brain tumor awareness. So, this May, please support “Go Gray in May” to raise awareness about brain cancer and brain tumors. This movement and the hashtag #gograyinmay help individuals and families impacted by brain tumors to find resources, receive acknowledgement, feel supported, and retain hope. You can show your support by wearing gray throughout the month of May and by donating to brain tumor research. To learn more, to donate, or to help raise awareness, visit the National Brain Tumor Society, the American Brain Tumor Association, and/or The Gray Matters Foundation.

My child has Autism. I want to share what it’s like understanding children with autism.

The roots are visible.

He reminds me of a Cypress Tree, because I get to see his roots most of the time. He is very strong like a Cypress. Sometimes he will have so much joy that it will flow upwards like the roots of a Cypress. He will feel the need to jump. He can jump so high. We get to see that emotion and experience it with him. Others who are not comfortable with this type of growth might stare. That’s okay, it’s truly no big deal. Don’t hold back, and please ask questions.

However, when you stare at my child’s roots, remember to smile. Please celebrate life with him.

Some branches grow toward the sun.

Understand that many branches will grow up toward the sunlight. However, some may grow sideways in search of sunlight. We all grow and learn differently in this world. If you see my child trying to get out of sunlight, then maybe the sun is too bright. Your branches might provide shade until he is ready for the sun. He just needs time to flourish. When he is ready, please be gentle with him, and share what you have found. They have roots that are growing at the same pace as those branches. So be patient; and let the roots get strong, as the branches search for the sun.

Leaves need shade please.

Our trees need strong roots and branches to produce beautiful leaves. My child’s leaves are sometimes slow to bloom; because he prefers the shade to the sunlight. I am okay with this growth. My child will be very strong because we are allowing his roots to grow at his own pace. I do not want to overwater his roots, or move him into the sunlight before he is ready. I am afraid if I did this, he would not have any leaves for the year. He might even stop growing and require more help. So growing slow is a good thing. He will produce beautiful leaves when he is ready.

Spring brings new growth.

Spring time is always a great time of year. The weather is beautiful and people seem to be more joyous and kind this time of year. My desire is for people to be kind and gentle all year long. Especially to the children with autism that are moving at their own pace. We do not want to rush these children or make them conform.

We should embrace their roots and celebrate life with them as they too grow beautiful leaves.

This perspective has helped me gain a wonderful insight into the mind of my child with high functioning autism. I pray it helps others understand why he might experience life the way he does. We can learn how to approach life just by observing nature. It creates a better understanding on how we can all grow together in an environment where everyone is unique. Let’s be kind all year long!

To learn more about understanding children with autism please visit autismspeaks.org. To read more about motherhood, be sure to see the other articles on our site that may interest you.

Approximately every minute in the United States, a woman dies from cardiovascular disease. And the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that having cardiovascular diseases, such as hypertension (high blood pressure), might increase your risk of severe illness from Covid-19. Those statistics alone should be a powerful motivator to put your health on your priority list, Mama!

Moms Wear Many Hats

As a working woman and a mom, I understand that multiple hats women wear daily to keep the family circus in line. It’s easier for moms to find a needle in a haystack than find time that doesn’t involve carpool, family meals, or domestic duties. But, as your dietitian, I want you to know that you don’t need more time to get in better health. Focus on making decisions that support good health most of the time.

American Heart Month

Since 1964 February has been declared as American Heart Month as a reminder to get families, friends, and communities involved in reinforcing the importance of heart health. Don’t let any more time go by without knowing a number that could save your life: Your blood pressure! Who cares what you weigh, as long as your heart is healthy on the inside. Stop worrying about a number that doesn’t define your actual health, and start better understanding the numbers linked to your overall well being. When moms focus on keeping their blood pressure in check they reduce their risk of a heart attack or stroke.

Controlling Your Blood Pressure

How do you control your blood pressure? I’m glad you asked. Getting rid of your husband and kids may reduce your risk of hypertension, but there are less dramatic ways to approach managing your heart’s stress. There are lifestyle factors that are the foundation for good heart health like exercise, and a nutritious diet, such as a DASH diet. DASH – which stands for Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension – emphasizes eating ample fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and dairy foods while also lowering salt intake. The US News & World Report ranked the DASH Diet as one of the best overall eating plans for good healthy for the 11th year in a row. Research confirms that DASH diet, which includes three servings of low-fat dairy and eight to 10 servings or fruit and vegetables each day, can lower blood pressure as much as some medications.

But please know that regardless of your effort to like kale and exercise, you may still need to be on medication to help treat heart disease, and that’s okay. Two cheers for modern medicine!

The Dash Diet

There is nothing hard about the DASH eating plan except that most of the blood pressure improvements and heart healthy benefits are seen with the increase in fruits and vegetables. Eating more plants may be challenging to many since only about 5 percent of Mississippians meet their recommended intake of fruits and vegetables daily. If you’re not in the habit of eating fruits and vegetables don’t get discouraged. Make small shifts in your food choices, starting with one vegetable serving a day and working your way up to what you’re comfortable with adding.

Getting in enough portions of fruit or vegetables isn’t nearly as daunting as on might imagine. A serving of raw fruit and vegetables equals 1 cup and a 1/2 cup for cooked varieties. If you follow these guidelines and include produce at every meal and snack, it’s easy to hit the heart-protective mark.

Here are a few tips to increase fruits and vegetables throughout the day:

• Add fresh or frozen berries to oatmeal, yogurt, or whole-grain cereal
• Add a cup of fresh spinach to eggs or smoothies
• Use ripened bananas or zucchini to make whole-grain pancakes or muffins
• Keep whole fruits out on your counter of desk for a quick snack
• Replace desserts with fruit and yogurt popsicle or parfait
• Opt for vegetarian style pizzas or fajitas
• Order sandwiches as open-faced salads instead.
• Replace a side of French fries with apple slices or side salad.

Mason Jar Salad

One way to knock out several vegetable servings at once is to fill up on a large Mason jar salad for lunch or dinner. The best part is you can make several at a time and store them in your refrigerator for easy access all week long. Use it as a side dish or as your main meal. First get creative with the ingredients. Start with a wide-mouthed jar, add a heart-healthy olive oil based dressing to the bottom, and then pack in the veggies such as broccoli, carrots, and tomatoes. Layer in a serving of protein-rich cheese or chickpeas; top it off with green leafy lettuce. When you are ready to eat, turn it over and give it a shake. Shake, shake, and partake.

If you haven’t already, make time to get your blood pressure checked. And start eating for a healthy heart today. Your family needs you!

Pear and Spinach Salad

• 1 pear, cored and thickly sliced
• 3 cups spinach leaves, divided
• 1/2 cup pomegranate seeds or dread cranberries
• 1/4 cup roughly chopped pecans
• 2 ounces crumbled blue cheese
• 3 tablespoons sherry vinaigrette
• 1 quart-size large-mouth Mason jar

Pour a small amount of dressing on the bottom. Place the pear slices on top of the dressing. Layer 1 cup of the spinach on top of the pear, and then add the pomegranate seeds and the chopped pecans. Finish with the remaining spinach and the blue cheese. Seal the jar and refrigerate until ready to use. Makes 1 serving.

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To read more about how you can get involved with AHA, please visit American Heart Association – Mississippi.

Magnolia Moms is dedicated to working to bring awareness to the importance of heart health. We are able to do so by support from companies like The Winning Smile. Be sure to check out more of our personal stories about cardiovascular disease in our wellness section.

1. Make a gifting list of your recipients this season.

Be thorough, be intentional.

If you want to gift your mail person, then add them. If you want to include your Starbucks barista – add them. Don’t forget your kids’ teachers, your baby sitters, and your neighbors that hauled your trash to the curb when you were out of town (Looking at you, Kayla!). This doesn’t mean that you will go broke, it just means that you need to be specific about who you are gifting this year. Include one charity or organization that you want to assist and be realistic and generous. We all want to give back this season and with COVID-19 making fundraising extremely difficult, it is the time to focus on the non-profits that are dear to us.

2. Assign a gifting budget to each person.

If you don’t have a monetary amount, think outside the box.

Don’t go into debt buying Christmas gifts! Handmade goods are always a hit. One of my favorite gifts from last year was from a neighbor who went around handing out homemade ornaments. I know with Covid you may want to be respectful of baking goods for acquaintances, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t visit a local bakery and see about options for individually wrapped items like cake pops, cookies, or donuts. It’s not about the size of the gift or the amount of money – it’s about showing them you care and are wishing them a lovely holiday season.

3. Be sure to set aside time to give back.

Kids love opening presents on Christmas morning, but they also need to learn to give back.

We have made a tradition of in the weeks leading up to the holiday that they “declutter” their toys to donate to families that may need an extra goody or two. This allows them to be intentional about things they no longer play with. Let your kids do a little gifting themselves by helping shop for gifts for children less fortunate. Magnolia Moms has partnered with Stew Pot to help collect items for kids in our area.

We are also leaning in the direction of gifting 4 items per person in the immediate family. “A gift they WANT, a gift they NEED, a gift they WEAR, and a gift they READ.” We haven’t tried this yet, but I love the idea for all of us. It simplifies the holiday and focuses on four nice items instead of a bunch of little junkie things that end up in the trash a week later.

4. Shop with just a few stores.

Pick one or two box stores for gifting ideas, then move on to a few local boutiques.

Doing research online can get a bit overwhelming, especially with all the sales happening now. I recommend that you select one or two “big box” stores to check out (Target, Walmart, Amazon) and then shift your focus to your local shops and boutiques. These small business owners need our support more than ever and they often have free gift wrap and unique items that you can’t find anywhere else – especially for your local friends and family.

5. Slow down and just enjoy the season.

Breathe. Sip. Taste. Savor.

Honestly, this year has been full of learning curves. The holidays should be a time for all of us to focus on what is most important which is NOT the gifts. Take some time for yourself to reflect on being available and creating memories with your loved ones – even if it means creating a virtual hot cocoa date on Zoom!

Cheers, mamas!

Be sure to check out some gift ideas our team put together that may help with a few people on your list!

You would have turned 38, but another year will pass without you here to celebrate your birthday. We are thankful for the years we did have with you. However, it is sad to see so many years wasted because you are not here.

I honestly believe you would have been a great engineer or owned your own landscaping business designing amazing outdoor spaces. You had a natural gift for that type of stuff. I could have used your help over the years, but I did not get your help. Instead, I had to rely on Pinterest and years of HGTV shows. Shucks!

I see my children in you.

Did you know one of your nephews ask more questions than you ever did? He never stops asking me questions about life and how things work. He has such a mechanical mind, similar to you. He even has a passion for fishing, just like you did. You two would have been a pair to see together. Too bad, you are not alive. Instead, I share my memories of you with him. It helps make things better, but he reminds me so much of you. It is crazy!

I am convinced my husband, and you would have ganged up on me. You would have liked my husband because you have much in common. He is a computer nerd just like you were. His brain thinks as you did. Maybe I like him so much because he reminds me of you. Either way, we would have enjoyed having you around for family dinners. Too bad, you are not here for that.

If you were alive, I’d imagine you being married to a brilliant gal, someone that saw life from different angles. She would have complimented your strengths and weaknesses. I could have had more nieces and nephews to spoil. We could have done family vacations together. I have been blessed with so many nieces and nephews, but I always wonder what your children would have looked like. Hmm.

I wish you were here, so the family would not miss you so much.

We miss you daily.

We miss the person you were and the person you should have been. You were amazing in our eyes. A part of us died the day you took your life. Your family has all worked it out in their own way. We have adapted and overcome the grief it has caused us. We forgive you and ultimately have to forgive ourselves daily.

I can appreciate “the moment” because of all the moments we did not get with you. I can take that to my grave. I can live my life with kindness, courage, and empathy like nobody else around. Thank you so much for that gift. Your suicide broke your family, but we are so much stronger because of it.

I love you, dearly, and think of you daily. Especially today, because it is World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s a day to help spread awareness on the topic of suicide. I want others to know they are not alone in their thoughts. I hope someone can find support from family, friends, or medical professionals. They will be missed, just like we miss you.

Even though you are not here, I know you are around watching over us. I can feel your presence sometimes. I can not see you, but my sixth sense feels you. It could be all made up, but that is okay. It really is all I have of you, along with our memories. I cherish those deeply and often smile because of them.

Smiling below, thinking of you today and every day. Love, your sister.

You can read more stories about mental health under the wellness section.

Then Came a Worldwide Pandemic

During the beginning of the pandemic when the world was racing against time to figure out what had been unleashed in the infectious disease world, I was voraciously reading and searching the news for more information. Trying to understand the origins, the medical effects, the DNA of the war waged on us. It was called several things coronavirus, covid, covid19, a relative of the SARS pandemic from a decade ago, but I could still not wrap my brain around this thing that seemed like no name or word could correctly grasp. Spring break came and went and then the lock down happened! I need to understand!

My need to read everything started as an excuse to understand. I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal, there was a subscription special and I love reading the paper. So, I thought, why not? In addition to the paper, I signed up for Skimm emails. But I didn’t stop there. I signed up for the NYTimes morning and evening reports. I watched the Today show, Good Morning America, and CBS News. Read articles posted on Facebook. I read articles friends told me to read. I watched the evening news and at night I would read yet another email sent by another media sources.

Every media source was consistent in the science and numbers. I would see each state’s cases go up in numbers. The death toll kept rising. But our emotional state was much harder to quantify. The politics got messy. Each state seemed to march to its own beat for good or for bad, I don’t think we will know for awhile. Where your masks was the chant, and the resistance chanted back. What was happening!? I feel like America is in the middle of a messy divorce. The states are the children. But who are the parents?

An Upraising Fueled by Anger

Then in the middle of this war of the unclear disease, we had another rising. Fueled, not by the threat of something ravaging our immune system, but instead by anger that ravaged our social system as we know it. A wake up call to all of us that our system is broken. One thing is clear, we have to look back to our building blocks. From education to health care, all are symbiotic and everything needs a reboot.

Like curing the virus, there are no quick answers. Only time is on our side. A blessing to the healthy and a curse to the sick and hurting. My mind and heart were in a perpetual state of fear. My mind raced. Do I have the virus? What are the symptoms again? Does my husband have it? Can I go grocery shopping – I just need eggs? Tears roll down my face as a I watch the videos of injustice and sadness. What can I do?

My job as a mother is the most important – am I doing enough to teach my kids. Am I being a good role model?

Now, at this moment, I am overwhelmed. I feel like the people in the book “cloudy with a chance of meatballs“ when the food clouds went berserk. But instead of food I was having INFORMATION overload. I need to step back. I need to breathe and climb into my bubble — Where I feel safe, make decisions for me and my family (which includes wearing masks) and stay in touch with a few friends and my parents via zoom and phone calls. I’ll embrace the remarkable weather we have had during the days of the pandemic. That, I believed, was the silver lining.

The New Normal

What will happen in the next few months that is much harder to report. I realized that my quest for information was probably more for guidance on how to live life. The words “new normal” are everywhere. I guess it’s true. I realized that having access to all the articles and media in the world was too much information, not always correct and certainly not full of answers, and it didn’t help light up my pathway.

In fact, I noticed my favorite part of the paper is the “Arts” section, and that’s where I found peace. So that’s where I’m at. I am exhausted even though I have done very little the last couple of months. So, I will use this time as an excuse to watch masterpiece theater, make drinks and enjoy the rocking chairs on the porch, and dance to nostalgic songs with my kids in our living room. I don’t need to immerse myself with information to figure how to do any of those things. This is MY normal.

It is freaking awesome!!!

When this pandemic hit I was nervous because I did not know what to expect. There were so many uncertainties and so many things to cause us concern.

Shopping over Facetime

My boys needed clothes and everything was shutting down. There is always Amazon; but you know how some of those sizes can be a bit wonky. If I am being honest; I prefer consignment stores, because my boys grow out of clothes fast. I called a local consignment store and was able to shop via face time. What? Seriously! I got all my children’s clothes virtually.

I had an excellent shopping experience talking to a real live person. The purchased clothes were even brought to my van-curbside. Nothing but love for Leap Frog Consignment. They have spoiled me with the new norms we are now living.

I’ll take Curbside, Please!

Grocery shopping pickup has always been my choice for the last two years. Since this pandemic, grocery pickup has improved and there are even more time slots than before. Only gets better from here, right?

Check this out, yesterday I did curb side pick up at Home Depot in my mini van with my three boys. I was trying to pick up three screen doors that were 23×80 inches. I waited patiently for curb side pick up, to find out they fit perfectly between the captain seats of my awesome swagger wagon.

Every place I shop at now offers curb side pickup! I could reaThis is a life changer for me. I will never ever have to go inside, ever again. This is great for moms of little ones. I hate taking my kids into stores. They are not too bad, I just get anxious and freak out over everything.

Seeing the Dentist during a Pandemic

My three year old had a dental appointment scheduled. I was so scared. I was not able to go with him because I had my other two boys with me. They came to the car and asked a million COVID19 questions. They reassured me and took my little one away. I sat there in my vehicle while the other two played on their tablets. I did not know what to do. It was unsurprisingly pleasant. The dental hygienist sent me a picture to let me know my baby was doing great. So sweet.

COVID 19 has had many people on edge. I feel that most of us are over it and ready to start getting back to what we call normal, if possible. I always try to look at the positives in things and not make decisions out of fear.

Life is too short to live in fear and dwell on the negatives. I am writing this to hopefully spread some hope and good vibes. So cheers to all the moms making the best of the 2020 global pandemic.

What new norms are you enjoying? You can learn more about Jessie at Moments Bayou.

So here are some tips from other moms on what is helping them maintain a teeny bit of sanity in this quarantine pandemic.

Get outside.

This plague couldn’t have happened at a better time of year. The sun is shining, birds are singing and humidity hasn’t reached miserable level yet. Going for walks is an amazing way to get out of the house, clear your head and get some vitamin D. If you can take walks alone, all the better. If you have to drag a child along with you, think of it as a way to wear them out. Plus they can be loud out in the open where it’s less likely to cause migraines.

Music.

Did you know that when explorers were first scouting out Antarctica in the early 1900s, they brought along a professional bagpiper to have music and help maintain sanity. Now, bagpipes don’t necessarily come to mind when you think “music to keep me from going crazy” but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. They knew how important music was to a person’s well being. Sometimes it’s a mellow playlist to soothe and calm, or an album that’s a longtime favorite and will bring back memories of when sitting in restaurants was a thing. Personally, I have a playlist called “Curb Stomp”, which is full of songs that hype me up and make me feel like a badass as I’m fishing Legos out from under the couch.

Baths.

If you can lock the bathroom door for a few minutes and just chill out in the bathtub, sometimes that will make all the difference in your day. Light a candle, pour some wine, throw in some bath bombs, bubbles, salts and turn yourself into a stew. If nothing else, your skin will thank you.

Snacks.

I know that the very last word any parent wants to hear right now is “snack” but this is for you, not those little tapeworm infested tenants that you live with. Is there a certain food that you think of as a guilty pleasure? Or only get on special occasions? Maybe only have it once a year as just a treat? Now is the time for that splurge. Buy that pint of edible cookie dough on your next grocery run. Order that fancy restaurant meal curbside to-go. Hide those cookies in your bedside table so you can eat them in peace when the kids are in bed. It’s the simple things that will make a difference in your quarantine days.

Comfort food entertainment.

Is it weird that you find true crime and murder podcasts relaxing during a quarantine? Yes, it is. But who cares? Put in earbuds and listen to one while you make a frozen pizza dinner for the fourth time this week. Watch an episode of The Office or Tiger King before bed each night. Turn on a little bit of Real Housewives during nap time. Get an audio copy of your favorite book and listen to it while you work. Find something that watching or listening to relaxes or comforts you and take a moment to fit it into your day.

I mean, after all, there’s an infectious virus raging outside. There is no vaccine. It’s different from the flu, it’s different from strep, it’s different from anything that this country has ever seen before. And it’s taking a toll on our healthcare workers. Lots have tested positive for it, and lots are worried about bringing it home to their families. All of them just want this nightmare to be over with.

Hospitals are busier than ever.

Many are understaffed because so many employees have tested positive for COVID-19. Doctors and nurses in other specialities, like cardiologists, psychiatrists, and pediatricians, are being called in to assist in testing and treatment because of the overwhelming amount of people showing symptoms and worrying that they might get sicker.

So what does a medical family do?

Do we abide by what we’re told by our spouses or what we know personally in medical knowledge? Do we pay attention to CDC and state health department guidelines? Are we scared? You bet. If your husband is at the front lines of it, you’re worried about him all day, every day. I know I personally wait for my husband to get home, and I sit in worry if this is going to be the day that he catches it. If you’re a nurse or a doctor, you’re at the front lines, too. You may be worried about your children. If you’re their primary caregiver, you might be too scared to hug or kiss them. You’ve seen the damage firsthand. What if you’re the next case?

There’s so many “what ifs” for us right now.

Trust me, as a medical wife and someone who has petrifying anxiety, I am very worried. At the beginning of my husband’s residency, he had to shave off his beard in order to have a custom mask made for his face, in the event he’d ever need it. I remember him doing it, and then kind of laughing it off because “As a psychiatrist, I’ll probably never need it.” Fast forward 8 months later, he had to shave off his beard again. Now, when he sees his patients, he has to wear the mask, and at the end of a shift, he has to have it thoroughly sanitized, so he can wear it the next day.

No one could’ve predicted this. I have washed my hands until they’ve started to crack. I have washed clothes every other day. There’s no telling how high our water bill will be. I’ve wiped every surface at the end of the day. I want my kids to go to school. I want to go to the store and expect to actually see toilet paper and ground beef. I want people to go back to work. I want the economy to soar again. I want a normal, boring day again. But right now, that can’t happen.

This virus will claim lives, many lives.

It will make you sicker than you’ve ever been. Take it from me, you need to stay home right now. If your healthcare workers get sick, there will be no one to take care of those infected. If that happens, the virus will continue to spread for God knows how long. An economy can’t thrive when everyone is too sick to work. Stay home, wash your hands, love your kids, get fresh air, and thank God that testing is taking off and there’s still enough healthy doctors and nurses around who can treat this infection. If you can’t stay home for your sake, do it for your healthcare workers. Pray for them and thank them, because they’re doing it to keep me and you and our families safe.