It seems like a lifetime ago, but throughout high school and college, I was a lifeguard; teaching swim lessons and eventually managed a pool. I loved my job. I did not know back then that those years spent focusing on swim safety would later cause me to be a total pool kill-joy for my kids and others. No, seriously, I still love the water, and I have instilled a love of water in all three of my girls. Our family has a backyard pool and we enjoy boating, but I find myself still sounding like a lifeguard, shouting commands at my kids and their friends like, “No running….no diving…..no horseplay!” My youngest two daughters were stumped on the horseplay comment, “Huh? We’re not playing horse. We aren’t even playing ponies.”

Know the Facts about Childhood Drownings

It is not just poolside safety that concerns me, though. I worry, of course, about the most terrifying of all water-related scenarios –children drowning. It is an awful thing to talk or write about, but it is a truthful concern. According to the National Drowning Prevention Alliance (“NDPA”), an organization dedicated to water safety and saving lives, America has an average of 10 fatal drownings per day.

“Twenty-three percent of child drownings happen during a family gathering near a pool.” Even worse, eighty-seven percent of drowning fatalities happen in home pools or hot tubs for children younger than five, and most of those happen in pools owned by family or friends.

We also live on the reservoir, so another scary statistic is that children ages 5 to 17 are more likely to drown in natural water like ponds or lakes.

Layers of Protection in Water Safety

Statistics are one thing, but it is absolutely heartbreaking to hear of loved ones, friends, or even acquaintances who have lost a child to drowning. I have heard far too many of these stories, and they haunt me. I do not mean to write a strictly scare-tactic article to shock and sadden readers. Instead, my hope here is to spread life-saving information. As NDPA suggests, there are “layers of protection” that can prevent drowning.

There are things we, as parents, can do to make our children and others safer around water. First and foremost, learn and annually update yourself on CPR. We have all heard the phrase, “Use it or lose it,” but unless you are a paramedic or otherwise in the medical field –or perhaps a beach lifeguard– you are (thankfully) unlikely to actually use your CPR training often or ever. Therefore, it is important to regularly update your life-saving education and training.

1. Swim Lessons

I mentioned swim lessons earlier, and, yes, they can sometimes give both parents and children a false sense of security of water safety. Just because a child seems to be able to “swim” in an expected, safe environment with adults watching nearby, does NOT mean the child will actually swim when they accidentally fall into the pool, often fully dressed. The unexpected nature of it causes panic, and suddenly everything the child learned in swim lessons is simply gone. That said, swim lessons can and do help children gain life saving skills. In some instances, the skills children learn during lessons can buy you precious seconds to actually see what is happening and save a child’s life.

2. Barriers

Barriers are another major prevention that help save lives. Most insurance companies will insist you have a fence around any pool, but not all fencing is equal. Having four-sided isolation fences with self-closing latching gates are more secure to help keep children away from a pool. Again, though, this is only one layer of protection. The auto-latching element is important. I will never forget one of the scariest things I have ever personally witnessed. My family and I walked into our former home through the garage after being on an outing for a couple of hours, and my husband and I looked through the kitchen window and into the backyard to see a young toddler standing in our fully fenced yard walking directly toward our pool.

Being very aware of pool safety and having young children ourselves, the door to our backyard had a complicated process to get outside in order to keep our own kids safe from getting to the pool. My husband frantically went through the multiple locks and then through the gate outside of that to try to reach the tiny child in our backyard. Thankfully, he reached the child in time, and as it turned out, the toddler and his family were visiting our neighbors and the child had gotten out of our neighbor’s yard and into ours.

We couldn’t understand it initially, as we had a tall wood fence with a lock surrounding the yard. We later learned that the crew that mowed our grass had left the gate unlocked and cracked. Our current home now has a metal fence with auto-latch around the pool. Adding additional layers of protection around a backyard pool can be helpful, too. There are locks for interior doors, pool covers, pool alarms, and other barriers that can help make a backyard pool safer.

3. Life Jackets

Life jackets are another measure parents can take to keep kids safe. Obviously, children need to wear life-jackets while boating or when near natural bodies of water. This is true even if the children are older and are excellent swimmers. Life jackets can also be used in pools where the child(ren) are not strong swimmers. Please make sure the child is wearing a coast-guard approved life-jacket. The cute little rings and arm floaties are not life-saving devices.

During my years as a lifeguard, the majority of times I actually had to jump in the water to save a child was when the child slipped through or off of a float of some sort. The majority of those times, the saved child’s parent was standing nearby or even in the water with the child holding onto the float while chatting with a friend. Children slip under the water quietly. It is typically nothing like you see in movies wherein the drowning victim calls for help. According to NDPA, “drowning is fast and silent. It can happen in as a little to 20-60 seconds.”

4. Vigilance

It is all too easy for even dedicated, cautious parents to miss the fact that their child is actually struggling and not swimming, which is why complete vigilance –a major drowning prevention measure– is always necessary when kids are in or near any type of water. Vigilance can mean many different things, but one important factor for staying vigilant is avoiding distractions and providing undivided attention. It is best to have at least one parent or trusted adult fully devoted to watching the child(ren) at all times, which means to avoid texting, reading, or other activities that can –even for a moment–take your focus off of the child(ren.)

The grim statistics above are more than numbers. Those stats represent real children, real families, and good, conscientious parents who thought they were doing everything they could to protect their child(ren.) In considering various Summer writing topics, I thought about talking about throwing Summer parties or taking fun trips, but pool and water safety education is critical. Writing this article is a reminder to myself to check our own pool and water safety layers of protection. To better educate yourself on these topics and more about kids and water safety.

For more information visit ndpa.org and poolsafely.gov.

Looking for travel tips this summer? Check out “6 Travel Tips when Traveling with Family” and “Traveling with Totes“.

Our children endured changes, challenges and, at times, chaos this past school year. They made it, and they deserve all the pats on the back, awards, accolades, and cheers we can give them. They showed us all how to persevere through tough times.  I’m very proud of not only my children, but all students across the globe. 

Summer, Summer, Summertime!

Dj Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince said, “Summer, summer, summertime, time to sit back and unwind.”  I agree.  After this past year, all I want to do is unwind, chill, and go to the beach. Honestly, I wish I could live at the beach. Realistically, I know that there will be long periods of time when we will all be at home.  Of course, the kids will want to play video games, use the iPad, and watch television. They deserve to do that, right? Remember, they just completed a tough and unique year of school filled with masks, social distancing, etc. 

As a mom, enjoying a break from refereeing siblings by letting technology occupy their time would be the easy way out.  I recently heard Pastor Charles Smith say, however, “Parenting is a 25-hour a day, 8 days a week job.” There are no days off.  While children do deserve chill and vacation time (and I allow them that) the mom in me will have to set limits when we are home. What do I mean by limits? It’s summer, and if your kids are like mine, then you know that the spirit of laziness will try to creep in and cause them to not want to do anything…but, Not today Satan.  This is why I have to set limits on screen time.

Unlimited Screen time vs Limits

Let’s talk about screen time. When my children were very young, I would allow them to watch YouTube on the iPad and my phone. It was easy. It kept them entertained, and it gave me a break. One day, my husband noticed that the kids would cry if we took the iPad or phone. We both knew then that this was turning into an addiction. We decided to remove all devices. It was tough, and the kids literally “cried it out” for about two weeks. It was like weaning them off the pacifier or bottle. It was tough, but we made it.

We learned years ago that too much screen time could actually harm a child. As parents, that’s the last thing we wanted to do. I like to believe that no parent wants to intentionally or unintentionally harm his or her own child. Too much screen time could cause poor eyesight, aid in obesity, cause sleep issues, and encourage a sedentary lifestyle, which can lead to other health issues (Ashton, J.J., & Beattie, R.M.). The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry recommended screen times for children based on their ages. See the chart below for examples.  Once my husband and I learned about the harmful side effects of too much screen time from various forms of technology such as video games, and television, we knew we had to get creative.

Screen time limits and Guidelines

Before Screen Time

During the summer, my kids have to complete a certain amount of reading before watching TV or picking up a device. This summer, I included an incentive for reading to motivate them to read more than the mandatory 20 minutes per day. They also have to play outside for a certain amount of time, complete chores, clean their room, and choose an activity that’s creative. 

We also have fun together as family.  We play basketball, tic tac toe, play with Legos, go fishing, swim, ride bikes, go to the park, and take walks in our neighborhood.  Be creative, have fun, and enjoy your kids while they are young.  See the chart below for a checklist you can use as a guide for your family.  There are tons of free pintables online that you print and post on your refrigerator.

Stand Your Ground

You know your children and what work best for them. Make adjustments according to their personalities and your lifestyle. Get them motivated and excited to try new things, explore nature by getting outside, visit the library, go on nature walks, go to the park, enroll them in camps, and/or have them help you clean around the house. Whatever you decide to do, be sure to set limits.  Children need discipline, boundaries, and limits. Parents, be prepared for them to test those limits. Lastly, whenever you do allow screen time, make sure to monitor what your kids are watching and make sure the content is age appropriate and meaningful.  Parents, stand your ground and enforce your screen time limits.  Don’t let the world (through technology) have more influence on them than you. 

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

P.S. Someone take me back to the BEACH…PLEASE!

Screen Time in Children and Adolescents: Is There Evidence to Guide Parents and Policy? 
Ashton, J.J., & Beattie, R.M., The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 2019

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. https://www.aacap.org

Charles Smith, Author, 7-Steps to Raising Amazing Children. 2020

1. Make a gifting list of your recipients this season.

Be thorough, be intentional.

If you want to gift your mail person, then add them. If you want to include your Starbucks barista – add them. Don’t forget your kids’ teachers, your baby sitters, and your neighbors that hauled your trash to the curb when you were out of town (Looking at you, Kayla!). This doesn’t mean that you will go broke, it just means that you need to be specific about who you are gifting this year. Include one charity or organization that you want to assist and be realistic and generous. We all want to give back this season and with COVID-19 making fundraising extremely difficult, it is the time to focus on the non-profits that are dear to us.

2. Assign a gifting budget to each person.

If you don’t have a monetary amount, think outside the box.

Don’t go into debt buying Christmas gifts! Handmade goods are always a hit. One of my favorite gifts from last year was from a neighbor who went around handing out homemade ornaments. I know with Covid you may want to be respectful of baking goods for acquaintances, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t visit a local bakery and see about options for individually wrapped items like cake pops, cookies, or donuts. It’s not about the size of the gift or the amount of money – it’s about showing them you care and are wishing them a lovely holiday season.

3. Be sure to set aside time to give back.

Kids love opening presents on Christmas morning, but they also need to learn to give back.

We have made a tradition of in the weeks leading up to the holiday that they “declutter” their toys to donate to families that may need an extra goody or two. This allows them to be intentional about things they no longer play with. Let your kids do a little gifting themselves by helping shop for gifts for children less fortunate. Magnolia Moms has partnered with Stew Pot to help collect items for kids in our area.

We are also leaning in the direction of gifting 4 items per person in the immediate family. “A gift they WANT, a gift they NEED, a gift they WEAR, and a gift they READ.” We haven’t tried this yet, but I love the idea for all of us. It simplifies the holiday and focuses on four nice items instead of a bunch of little junkie things that end up in the trash a week later.

4. Shop with just a few stores.

Pick one or two box stores for gifting ideas, then move on to a few local boutiques.

Doing research online can get a bit overwhelming, especially with all the sales happening now. I recommend that you select one or two “big box” stores to check out (Target, Walmart, Amazon) and then shift your focus to your local shops and boutiques. These small business owners need our support more than ever and they often have free gift wrap and unique items that you can’t find anywhere else – especially for your local friends and family.

5. Slow down and just enjoy the season.

Breathe. Sip. Taste. Savor.

Honestly, this year has been full of learning curves. The holidays should be a time for all of us to focus on what is most important which is NOT the gifts. Take some time for yourself to reflect on being available and creating memories with your loved ones – even if it means creating a virtual hot cocoa date on Zoom!

Cheers, mamas!

Be sure to check out some gift ideas our team put together that may help with a few people on your list!

After seeing your daughter, Sarah Fuller, make history this weekend, I started doing a little research on her background. As one mother to another, I can only imagine how incredibly proud you must be.

I’m sure this weekend was a proud moment, but I’m not sure people know the success that Sarah has already achieved in her fairly short life.

Leading Vandy’s Women’s Soccer Team to an SEC Tournament Title.

Graduating with her undergrad and now working on her master’s.

The philanthropic work that she does and how she works to encourage young girls to follow their dreams.

And of course, I’m sure you were beaming with pride this weekend as she stepped onto the field to be the first woman to ever play in a Power 5 football game. Your little girl made history.

With boldness and strength comes naysays — people who feel compelled to tear down another. Today, I saw some terrible comments about your daughter, and I’ll leave out the details because I’m sure you have seen them already.

As a mother, I can’t imagine how horribly painful and scary those words must be to read about your own child. Yes, a strong, determined woman, but always your child. I want to tell you how terribly sorry I am that such threating words were said. I pray that you and Sarah both saw for every horrifying comment, there were 100 positive and encouraging ones.

Stepping outside the norm is intimidating to people.

It challenges their small minds and short-sightedness. It puts fear in them that they will be exposed for who they really are, mediocre. The words those men spoke were not only cruel and hateful but absolutely appalling, and I pray none of them have daughters of their own.

To say that behavior is absolutely disgusting is an understatement. When I read the comments, good and bad, I immediately thought of you. As a mother of two little girls myself, I just can’t imagine what a range of emotions you must have right now.

The Sarah Fuller plastered all over Sports Center, ESPN, USA Today, and every other major publication in this country, didn’t get where she is today alone. I thought about the hundreds of times you must have driven her to practices, packed snacks and water bottles, washed uniforms and bought new cleats. The amount of money spent on tournaments and hotel rooms. The thousands of miles driven for soccer and the many, many scraped knees you must have doctored.

For that, I want to say thank you. Thank you for raising a remarkable daughter that is an example to others. Thank you for opening the door for other little girls to break boundaries and redefine the norms. We’ve seen a lot of that this year.

Women making history and now we can add Sarah Fuller to the list.

And it’s these women, along with your daughter, that are leading the way for little girls like mine. I’m not sure my daughters quite understand what it means for Sarah Fuller to play football, a woman to have her own STEM show on Netflix, a woman to be appointed to the Supreme Court, or honestly, if they even understand what it means that we will now say Madame Vice President for the first time in history.

But one day, they will, and I pray they will do their part in redefining history on their own terms and in their own way. As I raise my own children, I will think about the mothers of all these women who have paved the way for others. All the sacrifices they made to raise the leaders of today.

You should be so proud, so very proud of Sarah and yourself. Don’t give the haters another thought; cling to all the mothers out there that are thinking and praying for you as your daughter is in the national spotlight right now. One day you’ll both look back on this time, and you’ll tell her children about “that time Mommy played football and along the way, inspired so many little girls to follow their own amazing dreams.”

For more stories about Motherhood, click here.

To read more about why women need to support each other instead of breaking down, check out Women Buildup Women.

Her journey began almost a decade ago.  It was 2011; she and her then-husband decided that they were ready to start a family.  It was so thrilling!  I was going to be an auntie!  Although I was the older sibling, I had no desire to have children of my own at that time; but being able to take my niece or nephew any time I wanted and give them back – that sounded like a dream come true!  I remember my sister gifting me the sweetest onesie that read “If you think I’m cute, you should see my Aunt Brandí” They had begun the journey of trying to conceive a baby.

And a month passed.  Then a year passed.  And then two.  I watched my sister during a 28-day cycle of hope, anxiety, fear, and then bone-crushing sadness and disappoint for years.  Every single month, she died a little bit more on the inside.  It took an immense toll on my sister and her marriage.  Intimacy went out the window as she was driven harder to find out why her body was not doing the exact thing it was created to do. 

Each and every time one of our friends or family members announced their pregnancy or new babies’ arrival – I would watch the anger and sadness explode within her.  It was a battle within herself.  She wanted to be excited and happy for everyone while at the same time wondering WHY was it not happening for her?  It was one of the most painful experiences to observe the torment swirling around her and inside of her soul. 

2013.

The year that I became pregnant by pure unexpected surprise – unwed – and unsure WHY this path had chosen me.  The blaze of pain struck us both with intense force.  We coped in ways we had to in order to survive the 9 months of awkward growth. 

Abriel and her husband moved forward with IVF which was both an admittance of defeat and hope all in one fail swoop.  The shots, the medication, the hormone inducing fits of emotional chaos – again, a path of complete suffering with the goal of a baby at the end. 

And then Mackenzie Grace arrived on December 11, 2013. My sister was there as she made her grand entrance.  I watched my sister fall in love with this tiny person she just met.  There was an instant bond that would always be there.  I knew the pain and the sadness was still there inside her, but rising above it was a love that neither of us had ever known before.  

A Tragic Loss

A few weeks later, Abriel was pregnant.  I cannot express to you the amount of relief and gratitude that flowed through our family.  We were elated!  She was now a mama!!!!  

Two weeks later, in a new year with a new chapter emerging….she suffered a tragic loss.  There are no words to describe the pain that she experienced.  I won’t pretend to know it.  For those of you who have lost babies, you know there are no words, only sheer, raw emotion.  

A Cabbage Patch baby

In the midst of this, our cousin was pregnant with her second child.  She was a teenage mom who had given up her first baby to a distant relative due to not having the skills or experience necessary to raise a child. A baby girl was born on February 12, 2014 and by the grace of God and the blessing of a close-knit family, my sister became a mother by official adoption in November that same year. 

That baby girl was everything to my sister.  She was the light that replaced all the darkness that had taken over her in years past.  Vaya Rose was the happiest baby!  She looked exactly like a Cabbage Patch baby doll with a story to match!  My sister felt almost whole, even though her journey to motherhood had been quite different than it had originally meant to be.  

Due to so much pain and sadness that had occurred in the years spent trying desperately to become parents, my sister and brother-in-law parted ways in 2018.  They tried to mend the hurt, but often times, a child cannot be the resolution to something that is broken.  As much joy as they bring us, they cannot heal a broken marriage. 

A New Beginning

Shortly thereafter, my sister fell in love with a wonderful man who had two sons from a previous marriage.  My sister loved his boys and Lloyd loved her baby girl.  They decided to blend their families together and create a new family of sorts.  In this way, she became a mother again by inheriting two incredible boys as a co-parent and stepmom.   

While it may sound like all rainbows and butterflies – it wasn’t.  There was an immense learning curve for the entire family to combine as a united clan.  Bitter relationships with ex-partners, differing parenting styles, and co-existing as a new family were obstacles that took time and patience to overcome. 

When Lloyd and Brie were nearing their 1 year anniversary mark, they then decided that they wanted to try for a child of their very own.  Again, it didn’t happen the first month and I could see the tornadic cloud of the 28-day cycle of pain forming.

AND THEN THE SUNSHINE broke through.  

My sister called me in January of this year and announced that she was indeed pregnant.  Despite being pregnant during one of the most insane and unprecedented times of our lives with COVID19; I have seen her be reborn yet again as a mother.  This time experiencing all of the unique aspects of carrying a child; the hiccups, the kicks, the lack of bladder control, the beautiful changes that our bodies go through to grow a tiny human. 

We have two more weeks until her son, Archer, arrives to meet us.  I know that my sister has waited her entire life to hear his cry and hold him in her arms and share the joys of her new addition with the rest of her sweet family.  For even though this may be the first time she becomes a mother in this manner,  she is simply a mama reborn.

Update: Since this beautiful story was written, Baby Archer has arrived! Mom and baby are doing great. Be sure to follow brandnewday526 to see the cute little bundle of joy.

Interested in more articles on Motherhood and Wellness? Check out “What I Wished I had Known About Anxiety in Pregnancy.”

But I’m afraid I have finally met my corona kryptonite. The thing that is going to do me in. The thing that I am not strong enough to emotionally dismiss and move on.

This event was more of a realization of a future loss, and I have cried a little about it each day since hearing the news. It shook me to my mama core, unlike all the other significant life changes of the past five months.

Nothing has affected me like this. Not quarantine. Not distance learning. Not having surgery and three days later being thrown into a world depicted in movies as post-apocalyptic. Not two quarantine birthdays. Not being unable to visit my grandmother in the nursing home. Not missing gathering with my church family in worship. Not a pay cut. And not the looming fear of job cuts.

But this.

The Unsuspected Changes of the School Year

In a conversation about how the upcoming school year will be, I realized in an unsuspected moment that I will not be allowed to walk my son down the hall to his class on his first day of kindergarten. No matter what our school year looks like, it’s just logically is not going to happen. Twenty parents per class for every classroom in the hall would be irresponsible, considering the number of Covid-19 cases. It’s just not going to happen.

I don’t doubt that my son will be lovingly guided through the building to the room where he belongs. My sadness isn’t for him. It’s for me.

I NEED to walk him down the hall, just like I did his older sisters on their first day of kindergarten. I need to physically walk him down the hall and place him in the care of his teacher. I need to take a picture of him walking in front of me with his too-big backpack bouncing up and down on his little back. I took the same picture of each of my girls, and I remember trying to hurry and praying no other parent looked at me while I was fighting back the tears.

When Your First Born Starts School

I walked my oldest to her classroom and had every intention of telling her sweet teacher, “this is my first baby. She’s kind, and she’s innocent, and her world is rainbows and butterflies. I’ve never had to share her with anyone else, but now I’m willing to share her with you. I need you to love her like I do and indulge in her stories and her excitement. Let her dance and sing, and teach her to love learning the way she loves life. I trust you not to ruin her because I have poured my whole heart into her little life.”

But when the time came, I couldn’t say a word. I smiled and snapped a picture of her pointing to her name on the door, and I made sure she was settled at her table before I moved toward the exit. I looked back to see if she was looking back, but she wasn’t. She was fine. She didn’t need me there, but I needed me there. She had a beautiful kindergarten year, and it was almost as if her teacher heard the words my heart wanted to say, but my tears silenced.

It Never Gets Easier

I took the same picture of my second daughter on her first day of kindergarten, who walked with a little less confidence down the hall to her classroom. I hoped it would be easier to leave my second baby, but it wasn’t. Again, I had my spill planned out for her teacher. “This is my second baby. She grew up way too fast when her baby brother came along, and I sometimes have to remind myself that she is just a baby herself. She has the biggest smile and the biggest emotions that she sometimes doesn’t know how to handle. She needs you to help her. She needs you to guide her as she figures this world out. She is the sweetest little thing, and she will be your biggest fan if you love her. Please love her. She is my whole world, and we’ve never been apart. Until today.”

But again, I couldn’t say a word. I took the pictures I was supposed to, and as I was trying not to be the mom who lingered too long, I saw her eyes glisten. I wanted to cry with her, but I did what I was supposed to do. I encouraged her, embraced and kissed her, and slipped out the door. And just like her sister, she was ready. Her teacher gave her such an enjoyable kindergarten experience, and she loved my baby the way my heart silently pleaded for her to on the first day.

I Need to Walk my Baby to Class

And now, in less than four weeks, I will NEED to make that walk with my son. I will need to take the same picture, even though he will be walking way too fast. I will need to give him to his teacher (who I’ve been praying for), and I will need to tell her, “this is my last baby. He’s all I have left. He’s the last little one I have, and I really don’t want to give him to you. This day came too fast, and I’m not ready for it. But he is. He’s going to blow kindergarten out of the water. He’s the smartest little boy I’ve ever met, and he’s funny too. He has the most inquisitive mind, and I need you to feed it. He loves bugs and building things, and he will probably pick every flower on the playground for you. Please let him. Please nurture his little heart and encourage him to run and play and laugh. Please love him the way I do. Please give him and me the best kindergarten year ever, because this is it for me.”

But I know in my heart that walk down the hall won’t happen. I’m so sad, and I’m also angry at everything this stupid virus has robbed from so many people—even my little big-eyed kindergartener. No field trips, no lunch dates with mama, and many other unforeseen changes that he will grow up thinking are normal.

I know the beautiful souls at his school are working hard to make the school year special, despite the circumstances. I know his teacher will love him and take care of him, but knowing that doesn’t make my Mama heart feel better. The first-day walk was monumental for me with my first two. I just assumed it would follow suit for him. Isn’t that motherhood, though? Ever-changing and never easy.

The most important thing is that he will be fine on his first day of kindergarten, and I will eventually be too. For now, though, it’s touch and go.

If you enjoyed this story be sure to read, A Mother’s Grief on a Lost Senior Year and Lessons I Learned my Senior Year.

Copywrite 2020 Magnolia Moms

Then Came a Worldwide Pandemic

During the beginning of the pandemic when the world was racing against time to figure out what had been unleashed in the infectious disease world, I was voraciously reading and searching the news for more information. Trying to understand the origins, the medical effects, the DNA of the war waged on us. It was called several things coronavirus, covid, covid19, a relative of the SARS pandemic from a decade ago, but I could still not wrap my brain around this thing that seemed like no name or word could correctly grasp. Spring break came and went and then the lock down happened! I need to understand!

My need to read everything started as an excuse to understand. I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal, there was a subscription special and I love reading the paper. So, I thought, why not? In addition to the paper, I signed up for Skimm emails. But I didn’t stop there. I signed up for the NYTimes morning and evening reports. I watched the Today show, Good Morning America, and CBS News. Read articles posted on Facebook. I read articles friends told me to read. I watched the evening news and at night I would read yet another email sent by another media sources.

Every media source was consistent in the science and numbers. I would see each state’s cases go up in numbers. The death toll kept rising. But our emotional state was much harder to quantify. The politics got messy. Each state seemed to march to its own beat for good or for bad, I don’t think we will know for awhile. Where your masks was the chant, and the resistance chanted back. What was happening!? I feel like America is in the middle of a messy divorce. The states are the children. But who are the parents?

An Upraising Fueled by Anger

Then in the middle of this war of the unclear disease, we had another rising. Fueled, not by the threat of something ravaging our immune system, but instead by anger that ravaged our social system as we know it. A wake up call to all of us that our system is broken. One thing is clear, we have to look back to our building blocks. From education to health care, all are symbiotic and everything needs a reboot.

Like curing the virus, there are no quick answers. Only time is on our side. A blessing to the healthy and a curse to the sick and hurting. My mind and heart were in a perpetual state of fear. My mind raced. Do I have the virus? What are the symptoms again? Does my husband have it? Can I go grocery shopping – I just need eggs? Tears roll down my face as a I watch the videos of injustice and sadness. What can I do?

My job as a mother is the most important – am I doing enough to teach my kids. Am I being a good role model?

Now, at this moment, I am overwhelmed. I feel like the people in the book “cloudy with a chance of meatballs“ when the food clouds went berserk. But instead of food I was having INFORMATION overload. I need to step back. I need to breathe and climb into my bubble — Where I feel safe, make decisions for me and my family (which includes wearing masks) and stay in touch with a few friends and my parents via zoom and phone calls. I’ll embrace the remarkable weather we have had during the days of the pandemic. That, I believed, was the silver lining.

The New Normal

What will happen in the next few months that is much harder to report. I realized that my quest for information was probably more for guidance on how to live life. The words “new normal” are everywhere. I guess it’s true. I realized that having access to all the articles and media in the world was too much information, not always correct and certainly not full of answers, and it didn’t help light up my pathway.

In fact, I noticed my favorite part of the paper is the “Arts” section, and that’s where I found peace. So that’s where I’m at. I am exhausted even though I have done very little the last couple of months. So, I will use this time as an excuse to watch masterpiece theater, make drinks and enjoy the rocking chairs on the porch, and dance to nostalgic songs with my kids in our living room. I don’t need to immerse myself with information to figure how to do any of those things. This is MY normal.

It is freaking awesome!!!

When this pandemic hit I was nervous because I did not know what to expect. There were so many uncertainties and so many things to cause us concern.

Shopping over Facetime

My boys needed clothes and everything was shutting down. There is always Amazon; but you know how some of those sizes can be a bit wonky. If I am being honest; I prefer consignment stores, because my boys grow out of clothes fast. I called a local consignment store and was able to shop via face time. What? Seriously! I got all my children’s clothes virtually.

I had an excellent shopping experience talking to a real live person. The purchased clothes were even brought to my van-curbside. Nothing but love for Leap Frog Consignment. They have spoiled me with the new norms we are now living.

I’ll take Curbside, Please!

Grocery shopping pickup has always been my choice for the last two years. Since this pandemic, grocery pickup has improved and there are even more time slots than before. Only gets better from here, right?

Check this out, yesterday I did curb side pick up at Home Depot in my mini van with my three boys. I was trying to pick up three screen doors that were 23×80 inches. I waited patiently for curb side pick up, to find out they fit perfectly between the captain seats of my awesome swagger wagon.

Every place I shop at now offers curb side pickup! I could reaThis is a life changer for me. I will never ever have to go inside, ever again. This is great for moms of little ones. I hate taking my kids into stores. They are not too bad, I just get anxious and freak out over everything.

Seeing the Dentist during a Pandemic

My three year old had a dental appointment scheduled. I was so scared. I was not able to go with him because I had my other two boys with me. They came to the car and asked a million COVID19 questions. They reassured me and took my little one away. I sat there in my vehicle while the other two played on their tablets. I did not know what to do. It was unsurprisingly pleasant. The dental hygienist sent me a picture to let me know my baby was doing great. So sweet.

COVID 19 has had many people on edge. I feel that most of us are over it and ready to start getting back to what we call normal, if possible. I always try to look at the positives in things and not make decisions out of fear.

Life is too short to live in fear and dwell on the negatives. I am writing this to hopefully spread some hope and good vibes. So cheers to all the moms making the best of the 2020 global pandemic.

What new norms are you enjoying? You can learn more about Jessie at Moments Bayou.

The truth is, stepmoms are expected to be moms everyday of the year; except when you are a stepmom on Mother’s Day.

I pray I can help a stepmom on Mother’s Day struggling with feelings of inadequacy and find peace and comfort. Most of all, I hope you remember this day is about all ladies that have served as someone’s mom. You are serving as a mother to your child. 

A little bit about my story

When I married my husband I became a mom overnight. I felt unprepared for the task that I was signing up for. It was overwhelming for that twenty seven year old. However, it turned out that I was ready for the task of being a stepmom. There was an understanding that my decisions had the ability to screw up a child’s life. I was a stepchild several times myself and could recall all the feelings I experienced then. 

As stepmoms there is a huge role of responsibility and I understood that. Sure I had to work out some selfishness; but that is a continual walk I face daily; as a wife, mom, friend, and lady. I have always been honest and open about my struggles as a stepmom.

Fast forward ten years into being a stepmom and here are four important lessons I have learned. 

1. You do not stop being a stepmom on Mother’s Day.

On this day we say “Happy Mothers Day”. Your stepchild does have a biological mom; and she deserves to be loved on this day. Most likely, they will be spending Mother’s Day with their biological mom. That is how it should be. Children should spend Mother’s Day with their moms. I understand that situation may not be the best for your stepchild, but that is something you have to give to God. It will all work out.

This day might mean the world to your stepchild. They love their mom. It is important to ask them “how their day was with their mom”. Don’t forget to check up on your sweet stepchild and make sure they are having an awesome day. As a stepmom, that is still your job. Even if your stepchild is not sweet to you, please check up on them. It’s important, because your role is an unconditional role. 

2. It will be okay if you do not hear the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day”.

This is so important to remember. It is very hard to hear someone say this, I know. If you love your stepchild like your own, this can be very challenging. However, it is so important to remember not to force this day. Do not make this day awkward for anyone, specifically your spouse. Do not punish your spouse or stepchild if they are not ready to acknowledge you this Mother’s Day. It does not matter how many meals you have cooked. Or how many homework assignments you have helped with. Let Mother’s Day unfold naturally. It will mean so much more to you. I can recall the first day I heard Happy Mother’s Day from my stepchild. It was worth the wait! I promise!

3. Do not listen to what others say about you on this day.

This is the most important thing you can remember. Just because you are not acknowledged on this day, does not mean you are not special. As a stepmom, please do not take to heart the things you will hear. You do have a voice in your stepchild’s life. You can be as much as a mom as you desire to be. It is okay to love your stepchild as your own biological child. I believe you do!

Caring and loving your children is your place. You have every right to be concerned or involved. Never back down from loving your children. Be genuine and never stop caring. Ignore the painful words you might hear along the way. You are stronger than that pain. You are doing an exceptional job and it is okay to feel some sadness on this day.

4. Find a way to celebrate yourself on Mother’s Day.

This is the most important thing you can do for yourself. If you do not love yourself how can you expect your stepchild to fall in love with you. Find a way to make this day special for you. Reward yourself with something you enjoy or treasure. Spend the day with your spouse. Do something that brings you joy. Make this day special, despite all the sadness you might feel.

See you are special! You have worked hard as a stepmom and changed so much. This role as stepmom has caused you to give up so much. That role is not easy; and, it comes with much baggage. It is a fine balance between not being selfish and giving all you have. Trust me, I understand what you are faced with. So please, take a bubble bath, put your headphones on, and play your favorite music.

There are also some great self-care ideas in the article Five Things to Aid in Quarantine Sanity.

Stepmom, if you do not feel seen on this special day. If you have not heard Happy Mother’s Day from anyone today. Then please take these words to heart. Sweet mom, listen to what I have to say. Happy Mother’s Day Love! You are doing an exceptional job. You are special today and everyday. XOXOXO

Yours truly, from another Stepmom 

If  you would like to connect with another stepmom, then please feel free to contact Jessie Trichell @MomentsBayou. You can also follow Moments Bayou on Facebook.

First of all, I don’t think for as long as I or you live, you’ll ever be able to fully comprehend how much I love you. I love you more than absolutely anything the world could put before me. I love you because you’re half of me, and half of the man I promised to love for the rest of my life. You are the results of that love. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put into words what being your mother means to me. 

Dreams of a Little Girl

For a long time, I was unsure if I could even have children, let alone, get married to your Daddy. When I was younger, I was very ambitious. I’m still ambitious, but more in the motherly sense now. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of having a family. The perfect family of 3 children, with the perfect husband, and we would live in the perfect house in the suburbs, with the fence, the dogs, the minivan, the works.

As I grew up, entering into high school and college, I wanted to put those dreams on hold.

I wanted to be a big name in the news media. I wanted to work hard and prove I was more than just another face in the crowd. And for a while, I was on track to get there. But then I met Daddy. And Daddy loved me and I loved him. And our love grew, until we eventually decided we loved each other so much, that we wanted to confess it in front of many people and before God. We wanted to get married.

First Comes Marriage

I know I’ve often tried to explain what it means to be “married”, and I hope this helps. Marriage is when you love someone so much, that you want to continue to love them for as long as you can, and you want to share everything with them, whether that’s a house, a family, food, secrets, dreams, whatever. And sometimes, when two people love each other so much, they start families. Sometimes, it takes time and for some people may not even be able to have families, but Mama believes that there’s always someone out there waiting for a family to love them. And hopefully, those families will get to be united one day. 

Then Comes Mommy Pushing a Baby Carriage

When Mommy and Daddy got married, we weren’t even ready for you yet. Sam, you surprised us. We were scared, excited, nervous, unsure, but the day we found out about you, we felt an immense amount of love for someone other than ourselves rush over us.

And Lincoln, you were less of a surprise, but an equal amount of joy filled our hearts when we learned of you, too. When the both of you came along, Mommy became less ambitious in her work life, and more ambitious in focusing on family. In those times, the only things I cared about were the two of you. Growing inside of me, feeling your kicks and stretches, feeling my heart grow bigger with more love than I’ve ever known.

But Doubt Set In

There were times I sat around, thinking I couldn’t do it. I’d never be able to be as good of a mama as Jiji or Cici was. But they told me, they felt the same way when I was a baby and when Daddy was a baby. And then, you showed up. You made your appearances. I studied every little detail of you both. Your noses, your fingers, your toes, your cheeks, your beautiful eyes. You were the ones I’d been waiting my whole life for.

You were immediately my reasons to get up every day, to draw another breath, to keep going when life felt like more than I could bear.

Boys, I am going to continue to be the mother you deserve. I know I’m imperfect. I often raise my voice when I’m angry or overwhelmed. I’m often too tired to play. I’m doing my best to make sure you grow up with good self-esteem, have respect for yourselves and others, a fair work ethic, and a drive to help others. Most importantly, I want you to grow up knowing you are loved more than you will ever imagine, and no one will be able to take that away from you or make you think the opposite.

Love to my Children

You are strong-willed, smart, handsome, bold, fearless, sometimes crazy, and always lovable. You will do amazing things in your lives. And if there ever comes a day when you have more siblings, I want you to love them too. Like I love the both of you. I want to give so much love to my children.

Sam, when your brother was born, I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to love another baby as much as I loved you, but I was wrong. My love only grew. I hope, if there are more children that Mommy and Daddy have, I’ll continue to show you all the love I have in my heart. If there ever comes a day that the two of you find girls that you want to get married to, like Mommy and Daddy, I pray you will love them wholeheartedly. I pray you will respect them. You must give 110% into your marriage. I hope you love your children the way that I have loved you. More than anything. 

I love you both so much, and thank you for making me your Mommy. Thank you for letting me be celebrated this Mothers’ Day. You’re my whole heart. 

With Love to my Children,

Mommy

Are you a new Mom or expecting your first child? Be sure to read “Five Things I Wish I Had Known About Motherhood.”