Today is my wedding anniversary. Married eight years today. Eight long years. Eight short years. All depending on the day. This morning I didn’t wake up to flowers, gifts, or breakfast in bed. But let’s be honest, neither did he. Our alarms went off, I jumped in the shower and he went straight to his computer to work. I dressed the little one, while she was still sleeping, and he was working on getting the oldest awake. He carried the sleepy 4-year-old to the car while I was loading all our things.
Somewhere along the way he muttered a “Happy Anniversary” and I reciprocated. A quick kiss goodbye then off to drop the little one at school and me make it to an early morning meeting.
There are no fancy dinner plans, not even taco night at home because that would require one of us to have to go to the grocery store. And we’re too tired for that. We’re just tired. Exhausted from our rigorous work schedules, the endless needs of our children, the busy weekends spent trying to enjoy some bit of this insane life, and the never-ending long nights and early mornings are sometimes too much.
Love isn’t enough
I used to tell my husband before we married that love was not enough to sustain a marriage. It takes a lot more than that. And I still believe that to a certain extent but one thing I have learned over the last eight years is that love is what holds us together. Neither one of us are that great at giving words of affirmation to the other like we both should. My husband does not have one romantic bone in his body! He’s tried a few times but it’s awkward and weird, so I just say Okay…enough of that. And if we’re being honest, he is not usually top of my list of priorities. It’s work, kids, family issues, bills….the list goes on and on. But sometimes in the night, before we finally drift off, we reach out (usually across our children) and touch hands to say, Hey I’m here. Yes, I see you. Love you. Love you too.
My husband doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful or shower me with hugs and kisses. He doesn’t ask me about my day and hang on my every word. He doesn’t bring home flowers just because. He doesn’t take me on dates. He refuses to go to the movies.
See he does so much more.
He has a new air compressor put in my car so I will have air in September in Mississippi because it’s still 90 degrees.
He grocery shops most every time we need something because I’d rather gnaw off my arm than step foot in Walmart or Kroger.
He watches our girls at the pool on our annual beach trip so I can lay on the beach.
He paints kitchens and builds barn doors when my Mama needs it.
He plays taxi for the kids when I need to work or have other obligations with no questions asked.
He has supported me in every career decision I’ve made over the last 15 years that we’ve been together. He has shown doubt many times, but still his dedication doesn’t weaver.
He has moved three times in 8 years because of those decisions. He has informed me there will be no more moving.
He takes the inside of my car apart to give it a thorough cleaning, bitching the entire time, but none the less it will be spotless.
He buys domain names and builds website when I have an idea for a side gig.
He creates t-shirt designs and prints t-shirts whenever I say “The girls need a shirt for…”
He is the jack of all trades. He can be in camo at dawn and a suit at sunset and rock them both. So no we don’t always take the time that we need to for ourselves, for our marriage; but he always takes the time to do all the things that need to be done. That is love. That is commitment. That is dedication to your spouse and your family.
Marriage is not easy
It’s hard, really hard. It’s all the things that go along with living your life with another human. There must be a level of respect and admiration for the other person. We can be mean, both of us. Very mean. We know how to push each other’s buttons. And we do a lot of pushing. Some days we look at each other and say what have we done? Literally, we’ve said that may times, but at the end of the day he’s my guy. My ride or die. I’m the yin and he’s the yang. He’s the oil and I’m the vinegar. We don’t mix well at times, but when we do its delicious. On September 4th, 2011 in beautiful Savannah, GA in front of dear friends and family, we looked each other in the eye and said, “I do until death do us part.” Hand in hand we committed to each other, to this life, and to this family we knew we would one day have. When life bares down we reach for each other, because that’s what married people do. We are on this ride together and together we shall forever be.