We would have been celebrating your birthday this fall. Just like we always did in November.
You would have turned 38, but another year will pass without you here to celebrate your birthday. We are thankful for the years we did have with you. However, it is sad to see so many years wasted because you are not here.
I honestly believe you would have been a great engineer or owned your own landscaping business designing amazing outdoor spaces. You had a natural gift for that type of stuff. I could have used your help over the years, but I did not get your help. Instead, I had to rely on Pinterest and years of HGTV shows. Shucks!
I see my children in you.
Did you know one of your nephews ask more questions than you ever did? He never stops asking me questions about life and how things work. He has such a mechanical mind, similar to you. He even has a passion for fishing, just like you did. You two would have been a pair to see together. Too bad, you are not alive. Instead, I share my memories of you with him. It helps make things better, but he reminds me so much of you. It is crazy!
I am convinced my husband, and you would have ganged up on me. You would have liked my husband because you have much in common. He is a computer nerd just like you were. His brain thinks as you did. Maybe I like him so much because he reminds me of you. Either way, we would have enjoyed having you around for family dinners. Too bad, you are not here for that.
If you were alive, I’d imagine you being married to a brilliant gal, someone that saw life from different angles. She would have complimented your strengths and weaknesses. I could have had more nieces and nephews to spoil. We could have done family vacations together. I have been blessed with so many nieces and nephews, but I always wonder what your children would have looked like. Hmm.
I wish you were here, so the family would not miss you so much.
We miss you daily.
We miss the person you were and the person you should have been. You were amazing in our eyes. A part of us died the day you took your life. Your family has all worked it out in their own way. We have adapted and overcome the grief it has caused us. We forgive you and ultimately have to forgive ourselves daily.
I can appreciate “the moment” because of all the moments we did not get with you. I can take that to my grave. I can live my life with kindness, courage, and empathy like nobody else around. Thank you so much for that gift. Your suicide broke your family, but we are so much stronger because of it.
I love you, dearly, and think of you daily. Especially today, because it is World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s a day to help spread awareness on the topic of suicide. I want others to know they are not alone in their thoughts. I hope someone can find support from family, friends, or medical professionals. They will be missed, just like we miss you.
Even though you are not here, I know you are around watching over us. I can feel your presence sometimes. I can not see you, but my sixth sense feels you. It could be all made up, but that is okay. It really is all I have of you, along with our memories. I cherish those deeply and often smile because of them.
Smiling below, thinking of you today and every day. Love, your sister.
You can read more stories about mental health under the wellness section.